Love, Self

What You're Doing Online To Drive Guys Crazy (In A Bad Way)

I’ve been helping men with online dating for years. You know, helping them avoid doing the things women can't stand for guys do online, and we all know there are plenty.

Helping men for this long hasn’t come without seeing the other side of the ledger. Many women do some pretty annoying things online. Here I take inventory of some of the biggest complaints from my male clinents when it comes to the women online. 

#1 Your Photos Are All Wrong

Queen of the Selfies (and face shots only): Selfie in the car, selfie at work, selfie here, selfie there, it makes no difference where when all he can see is your face. Your selfies might be perfectly posed, but a man is online to know more about yourself than just your selfie.

"This picture gets really annoying when it’s all a guy has to go by to determine what you look like. Unless you are a magician and can plan to only have your face show up at your date, include other shots that show your actual body. It’s fair that we want to see what your full body looks like before messaging and meeting you. You are who you are, no point in trying to trick someone." -PD

Queen of Instagram: Let’s be honest, Instagram is a cool app. We women have never looked so cool, nostalgic or well lit as we do on Insta. But we don’t ever actually look like our Instagram. So unless you can provide a guy with a series of filter to look at you through on your dates, using your Instagram feed as your photo collection makes it hard to tell what you look like in the clear present.

"I just want to know what she looks like, not how good she is at using photo programs!"-AE

Queen of the Weird Angles: "You always have your head positioned in such a way that men assume is how you perceive yourself as your most attractive, but we keep scrolling looking for a straight face shot." -JB

Pics with Your Friends: "Please don't use your picture with your friend as your first picture, I don’t know who to look at. Please don't only post pictures of you with friends. Please, if you do post pictures with friends, you always state which one you are. It's not always obvious. And if you post pictures with friends who are hot, expect attention to be not on you anymore. We can’t help it."-DA

One Pic Only: "I don't understand how any woman can be online and only have one photo up. We all have picture phones. We all have computers. You can post more pics! I think girls like this are lying or scammers." -ML

#2 Your Profiles Are A Turnoff

Nothing in your profile to talk to you about: "I hate when women have nothing to talk about in their profiles. Or say 'Ask me whatever you want to know!' Bare profiles aren't cool. How am I supposed to know if I am interested? I don't want to guess. Lots of women have barren profiles, and then they will complain when a guy just says hi, or how are you? Look, do you want me to write you something creative? Give me something to make me interested. Otherwise, don’t expect much." -KD

Lumped together with other men: "Look, I'm online and I'm a good guy. But I always come across profiles of women so mad at these guys online and all the awful things guys do/don't do and what they want/don’t want. I'm not these guys, and yet I feel like I'm getting lumped in with them and assumed that I'm awful before I even step to the plate. It's not fun to try to write these girls." -WS

#3 You're Flat-Out Unfriendly

Responding when uninterested: "I hate when girls will respond to an email but never respond again. I know a lot of girls are doing it because they don't want to seem rude, but I’m a big boy; if you're not interested you can either say so, or just don't respond. I’ll contact someone else." -BN

Expecting men to do all the work: "I hate having this feeling that I have to be the one to do everything. I have to find them, read all about them, come up with interesting things to ask about them, make them feel like they stood out. Then I get to hope they respond, and then if they do, they often just respond with a sentence or a word. They don't ask me questions back. One-sided conversations aren't cool. Expecting men to do all the work — not cool. I thought we lived in a time when women can do anything a man can, so why do so many women still expect men to do everything when it comes to meeting?" -RF

Not giving a chance to someone who is trying: "I’m a good guy, genuinely online to find someone to meet and have a future with. But I feel like I’m running a gauntlet where I don’t know what offense I'm going to commit on these women. Did I not write them wittily enough? Did I not fit their height range? Did I use the wrong use of  'there, their or they’re.' I know my photos kind of suck, but I'm a guy, I don’t ever take photos. I’m trying hard, but man, I’m just feeling like I’m always going to be falling short of whatever they expect Mr. Perfect to look like." - CU

Not moving it offline:
"I hate when I am messaging with a woman and we have some emails back and forth and I ask for a number and she drops off the planet. Why are you online if not to meet? This shouldn’t take months." - MO

On the Date:
"Not looking like her pictures. Simple. And not cool. Whether it’s a weight thing, age thing or completely different hair, it’s not fair to advertise one thing and show up with another." -RJ

Are these guys’ complaints fair? Are you guilty?