How To Survive When The Guy You Love Starts Pulling Away (& Maybe Even Win Him Back)

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Is Your Man Pulling Away? How to Deal With

Is it you or is it him?

It happens.

There comes a time when no matter what you do, your man pulls or distances himself away from you. 

I know that most of you have worried like this, in one way or another:

There could be a million and one different reasons why men pull away from a relationship and act this way. But, whatever reason he has, it really doesn’t matter. Because here’s the truth: It most often than not has nothing to do with you at all. So stop wondering. 

Remember: a man withdrawing doesn’t need to cause you grief and suffering.

RELATED: What To Do When The Guy You Like Pulls Away (Or Asks For 'Space')

For most women, it’s instinctive for them to try to fix the situation by getting closer to him and pulling him closer — asking him what’s wrong, calling him often, or worrying about the relationship. The problem is, this almost always pushes him away even further and damages their relationship more.

The root cause of this issue is a complete lack of understanding why men withdraw affection and attention in the first place. Women fail to uncover the real meaning why their men are withdrawing from the relationship in the first place.

The truth? All the suffering women go through when this tug-of-war happens really come from a lack of understanding of men. 

So what do you do? What should you do? There are many ways you can deal with this situation but what you should avoid is to analyze the situation.

When he pulls away, here’s what you do: Deal with yourself first.

When you feel like he is withdrawing from you, don’t cling or try to pull him back right away. JUST STOP. 

Turn inwards. Ask yourself how do you feel about this action of his? Are you angry? Are you afraid? Whatever emotion that seems to get the best out of you, acknowledge it. Respect your feeling. Give yourself space to feel that way — alone. 

It hurts, I know. Cry if you need to. And keep breathing. 

This is such an important aspect when dealing with this because when you give yourself space, you also remind yourself to put yourself first. You remind yourself that feeling vulnerable and hurt is okay and that this is not who you are. Your feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness are just that — feelings. 

This might take time. Take all the time you need to process this. 

The next time he withdraws, once you are done with dealing with yourself first, here’s what you do: The best way to stop him from pulling away and bring him back to you is to STOP trying to pull him back.

When he pulls away, don’t run after him — lean back 100 percent. In other words, leave him be. Yes, you can miss him, feel lonely, and all those brokenhearted feelings. But, don’t act on these feelings. Just sit and wait.

When I say leave him alone, I don’t mean let him be free or break up with him. Let him feel his freedom but still act loving and open towards him. He needs space — yes. But he still needs your love and care.

RELATED: The 4 Main Reasons Why He's Pulling Away From You

As I’ve said before, it’s perfectly fine to feel sad and cry for him. Own your feelings. If he sees you crying and hates it, acknowledge it and say that it’s fine, you just feel sad and you know these things happen from time to time and that you will be okay.

You are allowed to hate him, miss him, and want to break up with him. It is okay to experience all of that. Just don’t blame him or intentionally want to make him feel bad about himself. Energy flows where attention goes. When you project your energy towards him, good or otherwise, your value diminishes.

If he comes back, receive him openly. You don’t need to act all happy if you aren’t. This means being courageous enough to not judge him or yourself — and just bask in the moment of feeling the connection with him again. 

Does this make you a pushover woman? Someone who can be left and returned to from time to time without having the need to explain oneself?


This doesn’t make you a pushover. This means you just care about him enough to give him his desire for freedom and not punish him for doing that by withdrawing your love and care.

Because here’s a secret: When you give man his freedom or space from time to time, he comes back with more to offer you — if you keep the open and loving communication he is used to dealing with — being a high-value woman instead of throwing all these negative feelings you have, which he doesn’t get.

To him, his act of withdrawing from you is not wrong.  Men are not simply wired like us women.

But, in relation to the point I made above, the last thing you need to do is this: "Do I really want this kind of man? Do I want a relationship with just any man? Or do I want a relationship with a (true alpha) man?"

Again look inwards. To you. You are a high-value woman. 

What are your standards? What is your limit? Define it. And if he is already past your limit, your breaking point — walk away. 

Do not diminish your value by making him see how broken you are. You are enough and worthy as you are. Go find your true alpha male.

For a feminine woman, self-love comes first.

Love yourself first.

RELATED: 5 Reasons Men Pull Away From Good Relationships

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Gem Villamin is a love and life coach, Feminine energy healer who teaches women how to become a high-value dream girl through counter-intuitivve methods.  She specializes on teaching how to deal with a noncommittal man, and healing broken relationships. Join her community called The Cleopatra Project, on Facebook, or sign-up for her newsletter to receive her free expert guide, “Decode A Man’s Heart: The Way To His Love and Commitment," and let Gem help you reconnect with your inner goddess today. 

This article was originally published at Gem Villamin. Reprinted with permission from the author.