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Men can have personal reasons why they say no to sex that have nothing to do with you.
By Ellen Nyland — Written on Jun 30, 2017
How to get a guy turned on?
Show up naked, and bring beer and pizza! That is the general thought when women talk about men and sex. We even go so far in saying, that the only thing a guy can think about is sex.
We are then very surprised when a man says "No" when we want sex, and sometimes, we are even insulted and put the guy down as a jerk or we start asking ourselves if we are not attractive or good enough.
But ladies it is not all about us, even if that is hard to believe. Men have reasons why they say "no " to sex that have nothing to do with us. Men don't show their emotions the same way as women do. Most close themselves off and appear to be unaffected by what is going on at the moment.
When we meet a new person, we have no idea what goes on in their life, the same as they don't know what goes on in yours. If a guy says "no" to sex with you, don't take that too personally.
The reasons why men don't want sex with you are because he can be dealing with one of the issues below:
1. He's dealing with stress at work.
He can be stressed out about something work related; just started a new job, working on an important project, or he started his own company. Who knows?
Just think that if you are stressed out, how much energy do you have for sex?
2. He's insecure about his body image.
We assume that only women complain about their appearance but that is not true. Men are starting to catch up on that; the six pack, the extended pecs, muscled arms, and a tight butt are the ideal measuring stick for men's looks.
3. There are health concerns.
There are a lot of STDs out there. Before we become sexually active with a new partner, it is smart to have the discussion regarding STD's.
4. He has erection problems.
This is a very delicate topic for men to bring up when they don't know you too well. It takes time for him to trust you enough to admit his condition.
Don't crush that trust by laughing or say anything remotely hurtful. Show compassion and understanding and help him find a solution.
5. He's sick or depressed.
Women are allowed to come up with the headache excuse but, when a man says he is not feeling well, is he faking it?
Depression has many faces. It's especially difficult to see in men because they don't show their feelings openly like most women do.
6. He wants to take time to get to know the real you.
He wants more from you than just sex. He wants a real, deep, long lasting relationship and he's working on creating a great foundation by getting to know you and that cost time. He is building trust, responsibility, and commitment between the two of you.
7. He doesn't feel the chemistry.
You may feel attracted to him, but that doesn't mean that he feels the same. He may like you as a person to talk to, have a beer with, or talk business with but that is not the same as having a sexual relationship with someone.
8. He doesn't have protection.
When protection is forgotten it may be smart not to proceed and he knows that.
9. He's just plain tired.
Yes, that is possible, When you are too tired, you won't always have an active sex drive, so deal with it.
Because we don't know the real reason why he said "no", the best we can do is not assume anything but just ask in a way that doesn't make him feel like he has to defend himself. Ask him an open-ended question one that starts with: what, when, and how.
When you become truly curious and you create a dialogue, then you will find out why he said "n"o to you. Whatever the reason is, you can work from there, even when that means you have to move on.
Ellen Nyland is a Certified Life Coach and author of the book "Life is Great Even When it Sucks". If you want to talk about one of the above 9 points, contact Ellen.
