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By Ossiana Tepfenhart — Written on Feb 06, 2018
One of the most painful things that everyone will end up feeling at least once is rejection. Whether it’s not getting the job you wanted or just having a hard time in the dating scene, it can and will hurt, up until you learn how to deal with rejection. I ought to know — I’ve faced a lot of rejection in my life, even back during my school years.
The funny thing about rejection is that it’s both necessary and can become incredibly damaging. Scientists have even done studies about how rejection can hurt someone, and what they found is pretty terrifying:
1. Rejection sends signals in your brain similar to physical pain.
Researchers proved that being socially or romantically rejected sends signals in the same parts of your brain as physical pain. In other words, part of rejection is so innate, it literally puts your body into “pain mode.”
The paths rejection affects are so similar to our pain reactions, studies showed that Tylenol can actually alleviate the sting of emotional rejection.
2. The reason why we are so averse to rejection is evolutionary in nature.
If you think being rejected by a group now sucks, imagine what it was like back in the days of cavemen. Being rejected could easily become a death sentence, because you would have been unable to have protection and resources available to you.
Humanity evolved to be social as a result and therefore also gained an innate fear of ostracism and rejection.
3. Rejection messes with our basic needs.
Humans are wired to need love and acceptance from their fellow people. When you’re rejected, it sends a signal to your brain that your needs are not being met. This, in turn, causes serious stress and puts you in survival mode.
This is precisely why reaching out to friends tends to help us get over a rejection and why people who are rejected by their crush may feel better after a fling.
4. We’re also wired to blame ourselves when rejected.
Ever notice how we immediately tend to blame ourselves and our shortcomings when rejected? Rejection has been proven to lower self-esteem and confidence.
5. Making matters worse, the more we expect rejection, the more we’re sensitive to it.
This is why a lot of people tend to get into crazy downward spirals when they get rejected a bunch of times. They end up becoming hypersensitive to rejection, which messes with the way they interact. After all, when you expect bad things to happen, bad things often will happen.
6. Long-term rejection can cause trauma.
Some evidence suggests that people who get rejected too frequently may end up developing a fear of people or a hyper-vigilance around them as a result of too much rejection. Terrifying? Yes, but that’s not even the scariest thing about the way rejection hurts us, either.
7. Rejection is linked to aggression and violent behavior, particularly in men.
Ever wonder why guys flip out when rejected? According to a number of studies, even mild rejections have been linked to spikes in violence because it tends to make us feel attacked. In other words, those who feel rejection may feel like they have to retaliate because their brains make them act like they’re attacked.
A lot of scientists believe that this is because men view rejection as an attack on their identity and their masculinity. This is why a lot of school shooters and mass murderers cite “rejection” as the reason why they snapped.
Obviously, violence is still not an acceptable reaction, but it does serve as a fascinating look into the anger people feel when rejected politely.
8. Your brain on rejection, especially when it’s regularly repeated, is not one you might recognize.
Most people have noticed that people who are deemed “social rejects” tend to have very strange behavior around others. Believe it or not, rejection and loneliness are both partially to blame here.
When a person is stressed (due to rejection or other issues), they are more prone to extreme behavior and less likely to act within social norms. In extreme situations, they may even lose the ability to discern what social behaviors are considered normal.
9. Romantic rejection can make you turn into a jerk.
One study showed that women rejected by an attractive man were less likely to want to date an unattractive man and way more likely to harshly judge him. Once again, if you don't know how to deal with rejection, you are not your normal self.
10. Lastly, if you aren’t careful, rejection can be relived.
Studies also showed that people were way more likely to relive devastating rejections than other forms of emotional pain, particularly if it was a rejection from a person they held in high esteem. Thankfully, learning positive coping skills can help you avoid this.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a Jack-of-all-trades writer based out of Red Bank, New Jersey. When she's not writing, she's drinking red wine and chilling with some cool cats. You can follow her @bluntandwitty on Twitter.
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