7 Signs He’s Emotionally Unavailable (And NOT Worth Your Time)

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7 Signs He’s Emotionally Unavailable (And NOT Worth Your Time)


Have you heard of the emotionally unavailable man (EUM)?

I’ve been informed that this term is useful for spotting the physically and spiritually unavailable men. It's also not necessarily gender-specific since it also applies to females.

How to know if he's emotionally unavailable is by watching out for these 7 possible signs: 

1. He has never actually bought you any present.

You may have bought him this or that thoughtful present that might support his well-being or health in some form (i.e. books, vitamins, or supplements). He, on the other hand, has never actually bought you anything.

Buying you a meal before sex or buying a particular brand of rice (based on your preference) doesn’t actually count because it is a by-the-way thing and he’s going to partake of most of it anyway.

2. He has never introduced you to his family or friends.

He never volunteers any information about his family or friends unless you share about your family and friends (it’s called making conversation). Or he would only talk about them when you ask him specific questions about them (it’s called answering questions).

You know for a fact that he’s never mentioned you to them. You don’t feel he has any desire to introduce to any of them...ever.

3. He cannot put a label on your relationship.

You’ve asked and both of you can’t agree on what type of relationship this is. Some of the options thrown around included: "friends with benefits", "booty call", "f-buddy", "fling", "casual", and "exploring".

If it’s gone on for more than 6 months, don’t hold your breath about the ambiguous nature changing anytime soon.

4. He always takes off after sex.

While he may not leap out of bed immediately after sex, he does excuse himself as soon as humanly possible after sex.

The niceness before sex dissipates as quickly as your last wave of orgasm, and you wonder where the guy who was pounding into you moments ago went.

5. There is no mention of the "L" word.

He has never said he loves you. Don’t confuse loving behavior as love. He could just be a physically loving person. Or a nice person who is just into you for the moment, yet not actually into you.

If you’ve declared your feelings and his own reaction was "That’s nice," he’s an EUM!

6. He doesn’t talk about a future with you.

He doesn’t talk about any long-term plans or having a life with you. In fact, he revealed he has no long-term goals of his own — and even if he came up with one since you last asked, he’s not telling.

Don’t confuse this with making plans with you for the weekend — at his place for dinner before sex.

7. There is a growing sense of emptiness.

Even during the point of orgasm, you don’t get the heart-opening and soul-merging feeling that comes from two people who are in love with each other being in union.

Instead, you have a growing sense of dissatisfaction after each encounter with him. You feel unfulfilled, empty, and used.

Don’t lie to yourself that it’s OK and things will change. They may not.

I understand that there are people who like, enjoy and are empowered about in being in a casual relationship. There is no judgment here.

Do with or to your body whatever makes you happy — until it doesn’t. Not everything that makes you happy is beneficial. Then, do something else that does make you happy and fulfilled. That’s my main message.

Take care of yourself. Treat yourself as more precious than a diamond even if your EUM doesn't because there is only one of you.

Dr. Martha Lee holds certificates in counselingcoaching and sex therapy, and is currently pursuing a Masters in Counseling. She has published two books: Love, Sex and Everything In-Between, and Orgasmic Yoga.  For her full profile, click here. Email her here.

This article was originally published at Eros Coaching. Reprinted with permission from the author.