How To Get A Guy To Talk About His Feeeeelings

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How To Get A Guy To Talk To You & Express His Feelings

Men are like oysters: they are hard to open up at first, but once you do, you find his soft, delicious, most vulnerable parts inside.

If you're stuck playing guessing games when it comes to your guy’s feelings, it may be because he thinks he basically has a sign on his forehead displaying his thoughts and you should know what it is that he wants and needs.

Yep, I have been there, too. And I find that while many men have a hard time talking about their feelings, that doesn't mean you should make the mistake of thinking they don’t have any.

Research shows that men typically show their emotions more readily through their behavior and the manner in which they speak than they do through the words they say.

RELATED: 3 Things You Must Understand About Men And Their Feelings

Getting a guy talking about his emotional state of mind is like baking a cake: take the 10 ingredients listed below, mix them gently, and let the mixture bake for a while in order to get the best results.

Here's how to get a guy to talk to you and open up to fully express his deepest feelings in 10 easy steps.

1. Be trustworthy.

For men to open up, they have to trust you first. So work on your relationship and show him that you can be trusted with his deepest emotions.

Be sure that you never use what he shared with you about his feelings against him in an argument at a later date, or you're likely to lose his trust for good.

2. Treat him as your equal.

He is not a child you need to guide, reprimand, or make decisions for. He is a full-grown man.

Treat him as your equal and someone who knows his own mind.

3. Empathize what he does well.

Men can be self-conscious and they need to hear affirmation from their partner on what they do well. This gives the message that he is important to you, which will transition to trust and connection.

RELATED: 21 Of The Best Compliments A Guy Could Ever Hear

4. Ask powerful questions.

Start questions with what, when, or how. These questions give him the opportunity to say what he wants to say without putting him on the defensive.

Be sure to ask questions he can’t answer with a simple yes or no, which would only annoy you to no end.

5. Don’t push the issues down his throat.

Start the conversation gently and be non-judgemental. Let him set the pace for how fast he starts talking about his deeper feelings.

That said, be firm as well and don’t let him run away from the conversation or avoid difficult topics entirely.

RELATED: 7 Reasons He Doesn't Trust Being In A Relationship With You

6. Pick the right time.

You may talk easily about your feelings, but your guy needs more time to get in the right head space. Pick a time when neither of you will have distractions or feel like you are pressed for time.

7. Take him off guard.

Start a conversation that is not necessarily about "the" conversation. When you notice him relax, you can bring up an issue that you would like to discuss.

8. Be willing to go with the flow and shift topics when needed.

If you notice him become aggravated during your conversation, let the topic rest for a moment and start talking about something else. Once the tension disappears, you can gently revisit the more sensitive topic at hand.

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9. Watch your body language.

Make sure you stay cool and collected. Talking about feelings is difficult for your man and he needs to know that he is safe and that he is not being judged.

Aim to show non-threatening, open body language while speaking in a loving tone of voice.

10. Remember: It’s not about you.

Don’t make him talk about you. Be curious about how he perceives certain issues and listen actively. You may even want to repeat back to him what you heard him say and ask if you understood him accurately.

This may sound all difficult and time-consuming, but your relationship is worth it.

Maybe if you keep the following metaphor in mind, it will go more smoothly for you.

Communication is a two-way street, and when you want to get a guy to talk to you about his feelings it's like his side of the road is under construction.

You need to do a lot of maneuvering around the potholes. You need to go slow. You should be ready to hit the brakes if needed. And you'll need patience and a sense of humor to get through it.

But once you, the road ahead will be clear and smooth at last.

RELATED: 5 Questions To Ask A Man To Make Him Feel Truly Loved By You

Ellen Nyland is a certified life coach and the author of Life is Great Even When it Sucks.

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