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By Annie Kaszina — Written on Aug 24, 2018
You're an adult woman; you have your own space, your own place, and your own income. You have friends, interests and a social life. But you don't have someone to share your life with.
So, what do you do? You go looking for love, reading up on good dating advice to do so. It's a normal enough thing to do in our culture. But it doesn't always work out. Why not?
Most women assume that most half-way presentable men should be able to provide them with the right kind of love... until experience proves otherwise. Frequently, the received wisdom that love is blind means women don't give too much rational thought to the possible candidates.
Not ideal when it comes to something as important as affairs of the heart. A better starting place might be: which men should I exclude from my search? Who are the guys you should never date?
When it comes to love there are, apparently, no rules and no guidelines. But what if you create some? What if you establish criteria, the way you do in other areas of your life?
Suppose you were buying a dog. Chances are you'd choose a breed that fits with your lifestyle. You'd be unlikely to opt for a high maintenance breed whose needs you knew you couldn't accommodate. There are always plenty of other dogs, and other breeds, out there. Why wouldn't you apply do as much when it comes to a prospective life partner?
Let's take a brief tour at the dangerous breeds — dangerous, that is, to your health, your emotional well-being, your sanity, and your finance — of guys you should never date.
1. Mr. Doesn't Do An Honest Day's Work
His dreams may sound inspiring, but do you want to end up bankrolling him? Long-term?
2. Mr. Roving Eye
His roving tendencies suggest a lack of regard for your feelings. Is that what you want for the long-term?
3. Mr. Alcohol/Substance Abuser
He's a fabulous guy — or, at least, he would be if he didn't have this addiction. His addiction could just as well be pornography or gambling. Then there is the underlying problem that is fueling the habit which he is not addressing.
When you agree to be with someone who is not addressing their problem, you end up shouldering their problem. Further down the line, you can make demands on him to deal with the problem, but why should he? You didn't make it a precondition of the relationship.
4. Mr. Pornography Addict
See above. Why would you even go there?
5. Mr. Emotional Problem
If he's not working through his own issues, there's a problem: you can't do it for him, and you can't make him do it for himself. Nobody's perfect. Everybody has emotional baggage. When two people try to find a way to live together by sweeping all their emotional baggage under the carpet, there's going to be a great deal of painful tripping up over the carpet.
6. Mr. Victim
He'll tell you that life has dealt him a tough hand, or he had a difficult childhood, or all the women in his life before you have let him down. What he's really asking you to do is to compensate for anything and everything that has ever happened to him. Even with the best will in the world, you'll never be able to do it.
7. Mr. Can't Commit
That's his mission statement. His middle name, by the way, is Won't. Why should he be different with you? At least you'll have his respect if you don't try to "help" him to see the error of his ways.
8. Mr. Intimacy-phobic
This guy is closely related to Mr. Can't Commit. Feel as sorry for his plight as you please. But remember, when you're feeling all warm and loving and connected to him, he'll reward you by cutting and running.
Running away from love is what he does. He knows there's always be another woman out there hoping to be the one to change him.
9. Mr. Charming
There's socially graceful behavior and then there's Mr. Chick-Lit-Charming. He's a fantasy. That charm is only a fraction of the story. Chances are, he has a dark side, which you won't like one little bit.
Mr. Charming is not for life. Not at all. At best, he's brief fling material. There's a world of difference between a fling and lasting love.
10. Mr. Bad Boy
I'm guessing you would NOT go into a second-hand car lot and buy a car that bore the sign “Lemon”. Mr. Bad Boy's label is telling you, up front, that you can look forward to high costs and a plenty of breakdowns. Is that what you really want for yourself?
11. Mr. Rough Diamond
You need to ask yourself which is the all-important word here: rough or diamond. The question is: do you want to be his partner or his jeweler? You can't be both.
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Annie Kaszina is an international speaker, women’s relationship expert, and author of over a dozen books and audio programs, including: “Married to Mr Nasty”, “Do You Chose Your Dog More Carefully Than Your Husband?”, “How to Create More Happiness, Starting Now,” and “How to Recover From Emotional Abuse in 8 weeks or Less.”