Photo: vale | Unsplash
When it comes to love there are, apparently, no rules and no guidelines.
By Annie Kaszina
Last updated on Apr 08, 2024
You're an adult woman. You have your own space, place, and income. You have friends, interests, and a social life. But you don't have someone to share your life with. So, what do you do? You go looking for love by reading up on good dating advice. It's a normal thing to do in our culture. But it doesn't always work out. Why not?
Many women believe that most halfway presentable men should be able to provide them with the right kind of love until experience proves otherwise. Frequently, the received wisdom that love is blind means women don't give too much rational thought to the possible candidates.
Not ideal when it comes to something as important as affairs of the heart. A better starting place might be, which men should I exclude from my search? Who are the guys you should never date? Let's take a brief tour of the dangerous ones — dangerous, that is, to your health, your emotional well-being, your sanity, and your finances — the guys you should never date.
Here are 11 types of lethal men who will only break your heart:
1. Mr. Doesn't Do An Honest Day's Work
His dreams may sound inspiring, but do you want to end up bankrolling him? Long-term?
2. Mr. Roving Eye
His roving tendencies suggest a lack of regard for your feelings. Is that what you want for the long term?
3. Mr. Alcohol/Substance Abuser
He's a fabulous guy — or, at least, he would be if he didn't have this substance of choice. His substance abuse could just as well be pornography or gambling. Then there is the underlying problem fueling the habit he is not addressing.
When you agree to be with someone who is not addressing their problem, you end up shouldering their problem. Further down the line, you can make demands on him to deal with the problem, but why should he? You didn't make it a precondition of the relationship.
4. Mr. Pornography Addict
See above. Why would you even go there?
5. Mr. Emotional Problem
If he's not working through his issues, there's a problem and you can't do it for him, and you can't make him do it for himself. Nobody's perfect. Everybody has emotional baggage. When two people try to find a way to live together by sweeping all their emotional baggage under the carpet, there will be a great deal of painful tripping up over the carpet.
Photo: Wavebreakmedia via Shutterstock
6. Mr. Victim
He'll tell you life has dealt him a tough hand. He had a difficult childhood, or all the women in his life before you have let him down. What he's asking you to do is to compensate for anything and everything that has ever happened to him. Even with the best will in the world, you'll never be able to do it.
7. Mr. Can't Commit
That's his mission statement. His middle name, by the way, is "Won't". Why should he be different from you? At least you'll have his respect if you don't try to help him see the error of his ways.
Photo: Di Production via Shutterstock
8. Mr. Intimacy-phobic
This guy is closely related to Mr. Can't Commit. Feel as sorry for his plight as you please. But remember, when you feel all warm, loving, and connected to him, he'll reward you by cutting and running. Running away from love is what he does. He knows there's always be another woman out there hoping to be the one to change him.
9. Mr. Charming
There's socially graceful behavior, and then there's Mr. Chick-Lit-Charming. He's a fantasy. That charm is only a fraction of the story. Chances are, he has a dark side, which you won't like one little bit.
Mr. Charming is not for life. Not at all. At best, he's brief fling material. There's a world of difference between a fling and lasting love.
10. Mr. Bad Boy
I'm guessing you would not go into a second-hand car lot and buy a car that bore the sign, “Lemon”. Mr. Bad Boy's label is telling you, upfront, you can look forward to high costs and plenty of breakdowns. Is that what you want for yourself?
11. Mr. Rough Diamond
You need to ask yourself which is the all-important word here: rough or diamond. The question is: do you want to be his partner or his jeweler? You can't be both.
When it comes to love there are, apparently, no rules and no guidelines. What if you create some? What if you establish criteria, the way you do in other areas of your life?
Suppose you were buying a dog. Chances are you'd choose one that fits with your lifestyle. You'd be unlikely to opt for a high-maintenance dog whose needs you knew you couldn't accommodate. There are always plenty of other dogs out there. Why wouldn't you apply to do as much when it comes to a prospective life partner?
More for You:
Dr. Annie Kaszina is an international speaker, women’s relationship expert, and author of over a dozen books and audio program