5 Ways that Women BLOW the critical first 5 dates with men...And wind up back at single square one
1. By GIVING More than your Man:
The Man should be the one mainly driving the beginning of the relationship – HE should be the pursuer, not the woman. It’s in his primal nature to want to hunt and chase for his ‘prize.’ Don’t buy him drinks, or bring him a gift, bake him a cake or offer to drive on dates or pick him up somewhere if he’s been drinking. When a woman gives a lot in the beginning, it’s perceived by men as desperate and lowers your value. (Note to women with money who like to “spoil” their friends and men…. DON’T!)
2. By Grabbing the Check.
Pulling out cash or a credit card, grabbing the check, or paying for anything for that matter within the first few dates gives off masculine energy and throws off the ‘natural’ balance of the male and female roles. Even if you make more money than him, for almost all men, grabbing your cash or insisting on paying for things is a turn-off and is emasculating. After a few dates, you can lightly offer to pay the tip of the bill or get your drinks here and there or something small, and then later down the road the finances can be shared a bit more evenly; but in the first couple of dates, let him act as the "provider" that men more naturally are, or you’ll wind up reversing the roles and he’ll feel like he’s on a date with a man. Not very sexy.
3. By Talking about your Exes and former Relationships
Especially, NEVER talk about former partner mistreating you, cheating on you, or dumping you. People that you date learn how to treat you by the last relationship you describe – and few will treat you any better. Negative talk about your ex only makes YOU sound like a loser for dating them or putting up with them.
4. By Talking excessively about your Business, your Degrees & Credentials, accomplishments, and Work Work Work!
This is Turn-off city. Men do not want to compete in the bedroom like they do in the boardroom. All your work talk oozes masculine energy onto his plate. Unless you want to be treated like a man and wonder why your men keep going MIA after the first date, you’d better learn how to slip into Ms. Feminine and leave the Businessman at the office. (Extra shout-out to female Attorneys and business owners – for some reason, they seem to have the hardest time with this). It's fine to talk about what you're passionate about and to seek out things in common, but excessive work talk isn't the way to go.
5. By doing 1 (or all) of the Following within the first 5 Dates!
- * By Cooking him Dinner: Don’t whip out your apron right away, Ms. Cleaver. If cooking is your forte, that's a great asset but make him work a little for it first. If you cook for him too soon, you’ll look like you’re too eager to please him.
- *By Calling and Texting him to Chat, to tell him you Miss him, or to tell him you're thinking about him: As I tell my clients, give him some space to chase in the beginning. Let HIM be the one to call and text you and open up about his feelings toward you. But if you're calling and texting him early on, he'll think you may end up being the "clingy" type and are desperate for a boyfriend.
- * By Sleeping with Him or pleasing him in "Other ways" down there: Ladies, don’t care how much wine he gave you, whether he gave you a massage with oils or not, how good of a “Seducer” he was, or how great of a “connection” you guys had. Keep it in your pants for the first five dates, at least! And his attempts at sliding into home with you is his test for YOU as to how highly you value yourself.
- * By accepting a late-night Date at his place, to ‘watch a movie’ or ‘hang out.’ – This is a fast way to lower your value and fall into the “Replaceable” category
- * By doing his LAUNDRY! (Some of you may laugh... But this is much more common than you might think actually! Many women offer to do the man's laundry that she's dating, as a sort of attempt to prove her domesticity and "Wife material," but it will only make him stamp you with "Doormat" instead.