The Real Reason Men Don't Approach You

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Woman sitting by herself at a coffee table

A strange problem exists that confuses women in the dating scene — sometimes, even though a situation may seem perfect, a man simply will not approach you to have a conversation.

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He may spend a considerable amount of time watching you. He may even make his way toward the general area you’re hanging out in, but he won’t initiate a conversation.

It may lead the woman to wonder if there’s something wrong she’s doing, or if the man is not attracted to her.

Understanding why men do this is valuable dating advice for women that you need to know.



Many women, despite their obvious beauty, are highly self-conscious, and they assume men don’t find them attractive.

But in most situations, the reason men won’t approach you is deceptively simple — they are too afraid or intimidated to make a move.

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There is a phenomenon called “approach anxiety” that cripples many men (unless they truly do not care what anyone thinks of them) from taking any action — and the anxiety increases based on how attracted the man is to you.

It seems counter-intuitive, that the more attractive you are the less likely you are to be approached by average men, but it is the simple truth in the matter.

So what can you do to alleviate that anxiety and get someone to approach you?



One easy tactic you can try is giving subtle signals across the room if you haven’t met yet — give a knowing wink or a less obvious smile. Flirting from across a room or bar lets the buyer know it is okay to approach you.

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Don’t be too subtle though; most men are oblivious to inconspicuous body language. You’ll have to make it very apparent that you are interested, and that you aren’t going to reject or ignore him.

In fact, in some cases, the best thing to do is simply walk over to him and ask “Why won’t you come over and talk to me?” It might seem direct, but it will loosen him up and start a great conversation.

Although not all women may feel bold enough to approach a guy, flirting from across a room should also be effective.

Finally, remember not to take things personally and have fun. If a guy sees you having a great time, he’ll see you as a fun, laid-back person, and that might help him gather up the courage to approach you.

Some of the best dating advice for women is based on helping women understand how men think.

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Devon Brown is a dating and relationship coach who has been featured in The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, World Internet Summit, Mastermind, and more.