3 Common Reasons Men Go Soft During Sex

Here's what's really happening.

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You're with a guy, fooling around and having fun. Things are going great — until they aren't. When it comes time to get him off, it seems like he just can't get into it.

Was it you? Now your mind is racing 100 miles an hour and you're thinking to yourself, "What am I doing wrong? Does he not like it? Should I ask him? Should I ask him if I'm not doing it right?"

Of course, you can't resist and speak up in an ever-so-bashful way and ask him if he's okay. He stutters a "yes," but still, nothing's happening.


You think it's actually unbelievable. "No, this can't be. It's getting smaller. I didn't think it could ever be this small." As a matter of fact, you've never seen a penis this small in your entire life.

And now you're really in your head, so you stop and you think to yourself "What can I do right now to fix this?"

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He looks at you and he says something really dumb. He blames it on the alcohol even though he only had one drink, or he'll blame it on stress from work.

But do you want to know the truth about why he goes limp halfway through? Do you want to know the real reason why he went soft?

Turns out, there are a few reasons. Some of them are easy to explain — and one of them you may not want to hear.

3 Reasons He May Go Limp Or Get Soft During Sex

1. He may be nervous or have sexual performance anxiety.

He just got nervous. He actually likes you, and even though he gave you a rip-roaring, incredibly beautiful orgasm when he went down on you, he has built up in his mind what it feels like to have sex with you, and he's scared. He has performance anxiety.


He probably had a conversation with his friend earlier that day, hoping this didn't happen, because it's happened to him before. As he goes limper and limper, he's thinking to himself, "Gosh, I should have taken that Viagra from my friend."

Men get nervous. And I'll tell you a secret — it happens to me sometimes the first time I'm with somebody. I don't know them. I'm not fully comfortable with them yet, and I get in my own head.

No big deal, it doesn't last. I literally look at her and say, "You know what, I'm just nervous right now. Can we take a break for a little while and snuggle?"

2. He may have a physical or health-related issue.

If your guy actually has had too much to drink, his erection will not last. One drink to take the edge off is cool, but more than that and he might have a problem.


In addition to having too much to drink, poor eating habits, abusing drugs and alcohol, and overall bad habits can contribute to the inability to hold an erection.

Medical conditions like obesity, high blood pressure, and even taking antidepressants (SSRIs) are all possible reasons.

RELATED: 15 Fascinating Facts About The Penis: From The Average Size To How To Measure Yours Properly

Now, for the next reason I'm going to tell you about, you should probably sit down.

This one you need to learn from. But don’t get defensive, okay? I promise you that it's not your blowjob skills.

3. He just may not be that into you.

He might actually be a really good guy and doesn't know what to do. He's conflicted.


The caveman side of him, like in National Lampoon's "Animal House," has a little devil on his shoulder that says, "Have sex with her." And the other (nice guy) side of him is saying, "No, man, you don't like her that much, you don't want to take her down this path, she's a really nice girl. Be a stand-up guy, man, don't sleep with her right now."

So, he may not be that into you, and he might actually be doing you a favor by not being hard. Strange, but true.

Don't look at it as an insult. See if he calls you again. If not, it's not because he was embarrassed he didn't get hard. He just didn't have the confidence to tell you that he's not that into you. His penis told you.


Look, performance anxiety happens all the time. I can't tell you how many times I've been going down on a woman and she's about to have an orgasm, and she suddenly loses it. I'm thinking, "Where did it go?" She just went into her head.

It's the same exact thing for men. Think about all the times you've lost your orgasm because you got into your head, you got nervous, you got shy, whatever it might be. He's most likely doing the same exact thing.

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David Wygant is a dating coach who has spent the past 20 years helping men and women transform their love lives. As a lead writer for Ask Men and Huffington Post, his advice has been featured on MTV, The New York Times, MSNBC, Fox News, Cosmopolitan, Men's Health, E! Entertainment Television, and more.