Why this one big mistake is “the kiss of death” in many relationships that could have real potential
By Dave Elliott — Written on Mar 25, 2013
As a relationship coach who works primarily with some very successful women, there’s one big mistake I see women make over and over again in their relationships with men. I know for a fact that this problem sabotages – and kills – millions of potential relationships before they ever get off the ground – and I also know it’s 100% preventable.
Here’s the problem:
Simply put, men and women have two of their highest and deepest needs in absolute, total and direct conflict. As a result, it creates a real disconnect from the very beginning stages of their relationship...the exact time when their relationship lacks the stability or trust to compensate for the challenges. That’s not even the worst part. The long-term effect of this one mistake often causes women to stack disappointment and heartbreak until eventually they begin to demonize men, or even worse, question their own value and worth. I teach my clients how to avoid it – and the results speak for themselves.
What women need...
Feminine energy’s number one need is to feel “safe” before anything else can even happen. She may feel intense attraction fueled by chemistry – but she can’t have connection unless she can set fear aside and open in vulnerability (which is another whole new topic). Feminine also navigates the world via emotion which is why she typically has such a finely-tuned intuition...but it also makes her more susceptible to fear. Simply put, if she connects with a man and he can leave, she is anything but safe and far too vulnerable for comfort. That means her need for certainty requires her to DEFINE the relationship...talk about it...figure out where they are...set limitations...insure exclusivity...and this is where the problem lies.
What men need...
One of masculine energy’s deepest values is FREEDOM. In fact, there’s something in the psyche of nearly every man that the whole notion of freedom just stirs his soul and calls out the hero within. Make no mistake – men will die for it – so don’t think he’ll easily give it away. It’s what led brigades of men to charge the beaches of Normandy in WWII and defy the odds against heavily armed forces. There’s even a great scene in the Mel Gibson movie “Braveheart” when a bunch of Scottish farmers are totally outnumbered by a far superior British army...but when Mel rides up on his horse and gives them the choice to go home and be slaves or stay and fight and die as FREE Men...I'll bet you can imagine what happened next. They charged down that hill...screaming “FREEEDOOOMM!!” and against all odds, they WON. Here’s what this means to you ladies: if a guy feels like you’re trying to metaphorically "enslave" him...get your hooks in him...take his freedom...or limit his choices...he will rebel, disappear, put up walls or “need some space.” Perhaps that sounds familiar?
Can you see the disconnect?
The reason I shared the movie scene description is because it viscerally drives home my point and you can even see it here if you want a powerful reminder: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEOOZDbMrgE
Here’s the finer distinction: neither feminine, nor masculine, is wrong here. Both are perfectly right. In fact, it’s a beautiful representation of two of the finer qualities and traits in both energies or genders. So if that is so, how do we navigate this?
It’s all about timing...
You never want to try to limit a man's options too soon; it just makes you seem needy. Give him the freedom to feel like he can come and go and never chase him. Just show him that you’re a high-value woman with a lot of options and he’ll pursue YOU. I help my women clients UNDERSTAND this critical concept and that awareness alone is a huge step in the right direction – but it’s not enough. The most critical I thing I do is help my clients heal their past wounds in order to show up whole and complete, feminine and absolutely radiant. I help these women to show up knowing their value in their hearts and souls, plus I give them the skills and ability to call out the hero in their men any time they want to do it. The really beautiful thing is that when my clients are able to do that...their heroes appear. A man will never feel like he’s giving up his freedom if he’s getting something he wants even more in return...an empowered and radiant partner who sees and calls out his very best.
Does this make sense?
This is only one of the NINE key distinctions that I teach women to help them understand what exactly a man is looking for that makes all the difference between a woman who’s a “keeper” – and one he will decide to keep away FROM instead. I call it
The ManMagnetics Formula™ and using the acronym M.A.G.N.E.T.I.C.S., I teach women how to understand and bring out the best in their men rather than suffer through their worst. The great news is I teach the whole thing for FREE on a website at www.manmagnetics.com. This material has dramatically changed the lives of the women who know it, but don’t take my word for it. Listen to a few of them yourselves.