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Before he runs for the door, this is how to calm his fears ...
By Gregg Michaelsen — Written on Sep 16, 2015
Nearly every woman can relate to this story — You start dating a man, everything is going spectacular and BAM! — he starts to pull back and becomes aloof.
He talked about meeting his family, taking long exotic vacations together, and even putting a ring on your finger. Then, suddenly, he's nowhere in sight.
Wouldn't you love to know why?
Well, men pull away because they suddenly have an epiphany. They think, If I continue down this path with this woman, my single life will end … FOREVER! Bottom line, he freaked out. However, you can neutralize his relationship fears after you understand what they are.
I had the pleasure of meeting up with several world-renowned dating experts in New York City this summer! In the first video of a series we shot, the YourTango Experts, Dr. Helen Fisher, Fiona Fine, Jasbina Ahluwalia and I explore this very topic ... why men pull back.
The answer comes to you today from a top dating coach who happens to also be a man!
1. He fears you'll spend all of his money.
Sounds terrible right? Maybe so, but it's true. As men, we are afraid of gold-diggers. Money and status means the world to men; so without the two, we feel as if we have nothing. In fact, without money we cannot provide for our loved ones. This results in us not loving ourselves. If we don't love ourselves, we certainly can't love you. When we see the Gucci bags and the expensive shoes, our minds start to wonder if we can maintain your lifestyle.
Try this: Show him you care about him, not his wallet.
Early in the relationship help your man realize you want him for his personality and not his money. Prove you're not a gold-digger by offering to contribute to first and second dates. Buy him a drink here and there, or offer to pay for gas on a road trip. You'll find that he's most appreciative. He may say "no," but do it anyway to put his fears to ease — to provide that reassurance.
2. He fears you want to take away his friends
Men love their friends! The one thing they love more is that quality time to just hang with them and be one of the boys. Frankly, we pull back at the thought of losing them. All men have heard the horror stories of only being able to go golfing once a year. Vegas trips? Nope ... those are long gone, too. In our minds, the future is bleak — there, we lead a sad existence of only cutting the lawn and changing diapers.
Try this: Let let him have his friends, and have some of your own!
When your guy says he wants to watch football with his friends, let him! In fact, encourage him. While they're watching football, go have fun with your friends and make sure he knows it. Suddenly, he'll be wondering what you're up to and if you're having more fun than he is. This will lead him to passing on his friends advances to hang out because he'd rather spend a little extra time with you!
3. He fears not being able to date any other women — EVER again
I, for one, am not always proud of this fact but, nevertheless, it's the truth! Straight out of the womb, we learn to maintain our toughness (no matter what), never to cry, and yes, to sleep with as many women as we can. Here we are hot and heavy with you, even encouraging you to have your own lingerie drawer, and suddenly we freak out at this very same thought.
Try this: Make him desire sex with ONLY you.
Control the sex. Make it incredible! Mix things up when you want to and surprise him with a new and fun location. Keep it crazy under the sheets, in the elevator and a mile up in the ozone! On other days, shut him off so he craves being with you again. Explore both of your fantasies and communicate on an intimate level.
By doing the things I suggest, you neutralize your man's fear of commitment.
He now has permission to hit reset, assess the situation, and get back in the game loving you because you handled his fears like the high-value woman you are!
What do most women do? They freak out and demand more time from their man, which ultimately sends him away for good. But, now you know better! Withdraw to your team, get busy doing your own thing, and watch as he shakes off his false beliefs, resets, and lusts for you again. Easy peazy!!
Gregg Michaelsen, best-selling author and Boston's top dating coach, works with women to help them understand the male mind through books, videos and coaching. Through his books, Gregg makes a personal connection with many readers, helping them through difficult dating situations on his Facebook page as well.
