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Take it slow and watch things heat up!
By Danielle Massi — Written on May 15, 2017
While there's plenty of talk about the downside of porn and porn addiction, it seems not everyone is naysaying the adult film industry. Especially now that the industry is evolving, creating porn for women viewers that show more realistic and respectful sex acts between couples.
In a recent "Happy and Healthy Sex In Marriage" survey, YourTango sex, love, and relationship experts weighed in on the top sexual trends that modern couples are most curious about trying. Twenty-six percent of experts named "reading erotica together" and another 23 percent said, "wives watching porn."
Critics, however, say that porn can damage a relationship by creating unrealistic expectations. But I would argue that the type of porn people watch, and how open and honest partners are with one another about when they watch, are key factors in whether or not using porn is good (or bad) for them.
In fact, porn has the ability to bring couples closer together, especially when you watch porn together. It helps them to learn about each other's sexual likes and dislikes. It increases feelings of intimacy and affection for one another. And it even decreases the odds of partners cheating to have their "needs" met. It's no wonder that this trend of couples exploring porn together is on the rise!
So how can YOU watch porn together and introduce it into your relationship to enhance your sex of your life without freaking your partner out (or freaking yourself out)? The following four steps make it simple:
1. Brainstorm.
The first step, for any woman who is thinking about spicing things up sexually, is to ask yourself what turns you on. What do you fantasize about? The answers to these questions will help you think about what kind of porn would be best suited for you. Bare in mind, seeing something your mind and seeing it acted out onscreen are different experiences so it's OK if it takes some testing to see which ideas actually still arouse when acted out before your eyes.
2. Ask your partner.
Once you've figured out your innermost desires, bring your partner into the mix by asking them the same questions. Being open and honest with one another about a taboo subject is a turn on in itself. (You're welcome!) It's OK if you feel a little awkward talking about this at first. Know that you're just beginning a conversation that will continue to expand with your relationship.
3. Set the ground rules.
The next step is to decide on boundaries — this is important! One example is that porn use is done only during your quality time. Another is allowing porn in your spare time but telling each other when you do watch. The most important boundary to put on anything that happens in bed is if either partner becomes uncomfortable, for whatever reason, you can adjust the boundaries. Saying "I'll try that" does not mean having to go any farther than you feel comfortable.
4. Experiment.
Lastly, search for porn that turns both of you on. If you fantasize about sensual, romantic sex on a beach, you can bet you'll find a clip that fits. If that turns your partner on too, then you found your starting point. Intimidated by watching porn? Perhaps, literary porn (or, erotica) is a better place to start (Fifty Shades of Grey, anyone?). Reading erotica is a serious turn-on and won't cause jealousy or stress about body image.
Trying anything new together can strengthen your connection with your partner, leading to a better relationship. Keep in mind that anything supplemental in your sex life should enhance it — you should feel empowered by it. So remember to follow these four steps, and let the exploration process be one that is exciting for both of you.
