Self, Sex

How To Spend Less Energy Faking Orgasms And More Time Actually HAVING One

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take charge of your orgasm

I am on a mission. I am bound and determined to teach women of all ages, throughout the globe the most important lesson you can learn: your orgasm is your responsibility.

Some people say it doesn’t matter if you don’t have an orgasm. I say they are full of it.

Many women in their 20s and 30s spend all their time worrying about their partner’s pleasure. What about hers? Wake up, ladies! You have got to take time for yourself and make your own sexual pleasure a priority.

We’ve all been watching too many romantic comedies and way too much porn. It is your job to have an orgasm, not someone else’s job to give you one.


Studies have shown that making love can elevate your mood, give you a feeling of well-being, and help you bond with your partner. Sure, sex is still really great without an orgasm, but why not just have one? Believe it or not, the more you enjoy yourself, the more your partner is enjoying himself.

Let’s take a step back. From an evolutionary standpoint, sex was clearly not designed with the female orgasm in mind. Intercourse was designed with reproduction in mind. Because of this, our male partners will have an orgasm 99.99 percent of the time we make love. Lucky them.

I say lucky us. Most of us aren’t having sex purely to reproduce these days, so it’s about time we change our thinking. We need to give ourselves permission to say, “Hey, I want one, too” and remind ourselves that we are worthy of and deserve pleasure. Own this issue — do NOT put it on your partner. Take charge of your orgasm and I promise you, it will become easier and easier to have one with a partner.

Just like anything else, practice makes perfect. Ladies, that means that you need to masturbate. You have to touch yourself in order to figure out how you like being touched.


Many of us were brought up to believe that masturbation is bad, dirty, and shameful. Whether it’s religious stigma or societal pressure, it’s time to ditch that line of thinking. You were blessed with a clitoris and its only purpose is to give you an orgasm — it has no other functionality at all. If that isn’t reason enough to start masturbating, I really have no idea what to tell you.

Once you’ve figured out what gets you off, you will have an easier time reaching climax with a partner. And don’t be worried if it doesn’t happen right away — according to Dr. Phil, “most [women] still need the right position to provide clitoral stimulation.”

Fifty to 75 percent of women cannot achieve an orgasm from intercourse alone — we need some form of clitoral stimulation. So if you’re having difficulty getting there, try a different position, try touching yourself, and maybe even try incorporating a toy.

The point is to take charge of your orgasm, once and for all.


I am the owner of an online romance store and have been selling sex toys and lingerie for the last ten years. I just opened a brand new plus size lingerie store in San Jose called Curvy Girl Lingerie. We focus on plus size lingerie and helping women to get in touch with all of the pleasure your body is capable of!