3 Ways To Quiet Your Fears And Actually ENJOY Your Relationship

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insecurities ruining my relationship

Don't let your insecurities ruin your happiness.

Feeling insecure is the worst! But we can all relate to feeling that way. Literally, all of us. Every. Single. Person. 

But the fact they we all feel insecure doesn't make our insecurities pretty. In fact, insecurity don’t look good on anyone

In our relationships, insecurities are not only unattractive, but they're also potential connection killers. Especially when they fester and burrow, they change us … and not in a good way.

Everyone worries, but not always about the same things. You may worry that your partner will up and leave you one day for someone thinner, cuter, younger. Or, maybe you worry they’ll leave you for someone who makes more money, someone stronger, someone with a more important job.

One of the ways to conquer your insecurities is to accept that, yes, those threat DO exist.

Not just for you, but for everyone. We all lose things in our lives — looks fade, money comes and goes, great jobs end. Loss is part of life, and if you value your life based on things you have or what you're accomplishing, insecurity will always rear its ugly head.  

Thought you'll never shake them off completely, here are three things to remind yourself to keep your insecurities from ruining your relationship: 

1. Recognize that your differences are downright sexy


One thing that makes us feel insecure is our tendency to compare ourselves to others, whether that's comparing your waistline to your co-worker's or your old station wagon to your neighbor's new BMW. Doing this almost always leaves us feeling disappointed and inferior. 

This is particularly true when it comes to comparing yourself to your partner.

Your partner possesses strengths that you don’t, just as you have strengths they don’t, particularly in the feminine versus masculine domain. Women and men are different and meant to be so. But your differences can help create potent sexual polarity between the two of you which lends itself to incredible passion in the bedroom (think: ravasher and ravashee).

Learning to dance with this sexual polarity gives your partner a powerful way to more deeply connect with their inner nature. Being able to soften and nurture your partner when they're overly serious and self-critical is a must. Likewise, providing direction and encouraging action can be just the medicine your partner needs when they feel stuck in indecisiveness. These are both examples of using sexual polarities to be of value to your lover.

2. Understand you have a special place in your partner’s life.


In your partner's eyes (and heart), you are special; after all, they chose you for a reason. You have a sacred place with your lover, and when you connect to that reality, you'll realize it's a space only you can occupy. In that space, you're able to give something truly unique to your partner. An emotional, psychological, and physical connection that only you provide.

You complement your partner, the yin to their yang and the bread to their butter. Accept your importance in their life and recognize that by virtue of occupying this sacred relational space, you are close enough to see them and give him/her what they need.

Once you recognize the power you have in this closeness and role that you've been granted, your insecurities will quiet down as you see your true value in their life.

3. Remember that loving yourself includes working on yourself. 

Hollywood Life

Perhaps the most powerful way to eliminate insecurities is to remember that the only thing you can control is yourself. We are all works in progress, no matter how perfect we seem. Most insecurities arise because people become stagnant. When people grow complacent, they get lazy. They stop going to the gym, they sit around and watch episodes of Desperate Housewives (or, worse, The Real Housewives). They exist, but don't evolve.

Their lack of growth becomes a weight that pulls down the other person. They no longer have vibrant energy to give to their union. As they become more stuck, their relationship becomes stagnant, too. 

Commit to never stop learning, never stop growing, and never stop giving. This is the best way to become the ideal you. When you feel like you're learning, growing, and finding new ways to love and appreciate life, you provide a model for your partner to do the same.

If you're ready to create a relationship filled with love, passion, boundaries and respect, click here to get Clayton's Olson's "8 Secrets to Create a Rock Solid Relationship."