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Pick up the damn phone and call him yourself!
By Clay Andrews — Written on Oct 14, 2021
One of the most frustrating things imaginable is waiting for a guy to call or text and start the conversation rolling.
What makes it even worse is when you like that person.
But what's a woman to do? Isn't that how you play the game? After all, men like to chase women, right?
You may believe a woman should play hard to get and therefore you don't want to come off as too interested, especially if you want a man who takes initiative.
So you have to just sit around, constantly checking your phone, waiting for him to make the next move ... right? Or should you do something more proactive?
Should I call him first or wait for him to call me?
In most situations, my answer is yes, you should go ahead and call or text him to make the first move.
If you’re passively waiting around for a man to call or text, you could actually be hurting your chances of having a great relationship. Allow me to explain why ...
3 Reasons You Should Call Him First
1. Waiting for a guy to call or text first is actually you playing mind games with him.
You probably don't like to think of yourself as the kind of person who plays games when you’re dating a guy, but you might actually be doing just that by waiting for him to call you.
By waiting for him to call or make the first move, you are essentially following an arbitrary set of rules (like men should be the ones to initiate things). Following these rules is usually something that women do in order to manage their own anxiety about being seen as needy or desperate.
In the end, the best way to avoid being seen as needy or desperate is to simply not be needy or desperate.
You can call a guy any time at all without looking needy or desperate when you are perfectly centered and accepting of yourself.
The secret really isn't to try to manage that anxiety by playing games or following the rules or anything like that. The secret is to eliminate the anxiety you feel that's causing you to do all of these things in the first place.
2. Waiting for a guy to call doesn't make you more attractive to him.
There are a lot of reasons why someone might think that the guy should always call the girl first. Many of them revolve around the idea that waiting for him to call is feminine or that letting him make the first move is his masculine duty.
However, there is a huge misconception about femininity these days. So many people believe that in order to be feminine you have to be passive, go with the flow, and let life wash over you. I don't buy that one bit.
Being feminine isn't about being passive. It's not about being subjected to the mercy and whims of life.
Being feminine is about being receptive. You can be completely receptive and open while still taking action — and that includes calling or sending a quick text.
It's all in how you do it. Are you calling from a place of neediness (see the previous point)? Are you calling him with a hidden agenda? Are you calling him to ask him out?
Or are you calling him to invite him to take the lead?
3. Waiting for him to call or text you is incredibly passive.
Taking the passive approach in life isn't usually a good strategy in general. You wouldn't expect that being passive with your career or your health would help you get your next promotion or the healthy body that you want, so why would taking a passive approach at dating lead you anywhere better?
The truth is that when you take a passive approach, you generally end up wherever the currents of circumstance take you — and that usually tends to be mediocrity.
Now, is it okay to call a guy first every day?
This can be a bit much, as doing so can push your man away — especially if you aren’t in a committed relationship yet.
But if you're not satisfied with having a mediocre relationship or love life, then I'd strongly suggest you take a bit more of an active approach in general.
Of course, there are times when calling or texting him first is not your best move.
5 Situations When You Shouldn’t Call or Text Him First
Only in certain cases are calling and texting him first not advised, such as:
1. He's told you he isn't interested.
2. He's asked you not to contact him.
3. You've already tried calling or texting and he hasn't responded.
4. The man you want to contact is your ex.
5. You've been drinking and probably wouldn't make the call otherwise.
These might seem like no-brainers, but some women might still want to text a guy first even under these circumstances.
It’s best to stop yourself and think first always before calling or texting someone you've just started dating.
But trust me, most of the time it's okay to call or text a man first.
Really, it is.
Good luck! And go and get your man.
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Clay Andrews has been helping people love, heal, and find the happy ending to their love stories (even after devastating heartbreak) since 2009. For more of his guidance, read his Relationship Saving Playbook.