4 Perfect Ways To Handle The Most AWKWARD Conversations With Men

Photo: Photo by Allef Vinicius on Unsplash
how to talk to men

It's all in how you say it.

In dating, good communication is the key to meeting and attracting men … especially the right men. It's also the key to developing and maintaining fulfilling relationships.

When you love on purpose, you communicate on purpose.

One of the most important ways I support my coaching clients is by helping them communicate well with men. Online or offline, good communication requires certain knowledge and skill. It's a bit of an art, actually.

When challenging situations come up, I help women write a script that not only communicates effectively, but also feels comfortable and true to who they are.

Recently I helped my client "Kathy" tell the man she’s been out with four times that she’s not yet ready for intimacy. She was going to break it off with him, but I convinced her to try to tell him and see how it goes. He seemed like a great guy to me, and she was definitely attracted to him.

Kathy had that conversation (see our scripting below), and his response was, "Okay … I can do that. Thanks for telling me!"

There you go. Not only did she avert ending a potentially lovely relationship, but she earned his respect and opened up the possibility of further meaningful conversation. Well done!

Here are some other things I've helped clients with lately:

  • Showing a man she is interested without being too pushy. (Remember: Showing interest and taking the lead are very different things!)
  • Apologizing and showing regret for something she said.
  • Writing killer online dating messages and emails that get read and get responses.
  • Answering the question, “Why haven’t you been married yet?” when she goes on dates (Ugh…I used to get that question all the time! Guys: there is a better way to ask this.)

Here are specific examples you can use for some specific situations that might come up for you:

1. If you want to show a guy you're interested without being too pushy:

Instead of saying:
I'd like to go out. How about Sunday?

Say this:
I really enjoy talking with you. It would be great to do it again sometime.

2. If you want to tell a man he is going too fast and you are not ready for intimacy:

Instead of saying:
You're going too fast for me!

Say this:
I like you and I'm very interested in getting to know you. When I'm dating I find it works best for me to [fill in with how you would like to proceed]. How does that sound to you?

3. If you want to write killer online dating emails that are getting read and getting responses:

Instead of saying:
Hi. I like your profile. I see we have many things in common. Read mine and write if you’re interested.

Say this: 
Hi, Bob. I understand what you said about [thus-and-such], and I completely agree. (Agreeing with a man is very complimentary.) I [did something that shows you have something in common]. There's more to the story, and it's pretty funny. [Create some intrigue and set up for future conversation.] I'd like to know more about [something he has done]. Did you enjoy it? [Or some direct question that's easy for him to answer.]

I'm looking forward to hearing from you. [Show that confidence, girlfriend!]

4. If you want to answer the question "Why haven't you been married yet?":

Instead of saying:
It's none of your business" OR "because I haven't found the right guy yet".

Say this:
My life has been great but just hasn't gone that way yet. But I’m ready and looking forward to when I meet that terrific guy.

Communicating on purpose is actually not so hard as we make it seem.

And it creates an environment in a relationship where you're really loving on purpose. Most men want to understand us, and they want to please us. They just want a little help!

This is no different than learning how to communicate with your boss or that passive-aggressive gal at work. You need to learn some basics, and then you need to practice.

Do you see the pattern in all these? When trying to address a potentially difficult situation:

  • Be positive
  • Be direct
  • Speak from the "I"
  • Don't demand

Try these and tell me how it works for you!

Bobbi Palmer, founder of Date Like A Grownup, is an internationally recognized Expert helping women over 40 find grownup, lasting, passionate love with the right man. As a first time bride at 47, Bobbi shares in her free video series "The 4 Devastating Mistakes Women in their Search for Love" at DateLikeaGrownup.com.