Say What?: Effective Communication For Your Love Life

Three tips to master effective communication for romantic relationships

Effective Communication

Do you feel like your relationship is suffering because of a lack of communication between your partner or the people you attempt to date?

You are not alone!

On psychotherapists' couches and coaches' offices throughout the country, couples-both young and old- are revealing that they need help developing better communication skills. It’s always a variation of the same story: “We don’t communicate.” “We talk, but we don’t hear each other.” At a time in which we are communicating more rapidly than ever-via texts, tweets, and one email volley after the next-it seems that there is hardly anyone among us who couldn’t use some tips to facilitate more active listening for their in-person interaction with their partners. 


As a society, our collective inability to engage in open and honest dialogue that could lead to positive change takes a toll on marital and family relationships. Couples who are unable to transcend the typical surface communication with their partners and potential spouses are ruining their likelihood of finding and maintaining fulfilling, romantic relationships. Their biggest mistakes often involve holding back the information that could set them up for successful partnerships. Todd Outcalt, author of Before You Say I Do: Important Questions for Couples to Ask Before Marriage, can attest to that! He recently shared his insight on the importance of discussing certain topics before walking down the aisle, when I interviewed him for my show Lovecast With Rachel Russo


Whether you are single, engaged, or married for years, if you feel like your emotional well being is suffering and are desperately trying to find a way to improve your relationships, here are a few tips to consider:

Be transparent: Yes, your mother always told you that it’s not what you say but how you say it that counts. However, take care not to underestimate the importance of the content of your conversations with the people you care about. For truly successful relationships, the nature of your dialogue should always be based on the truth in its’ entirety. Romantic relationships will flourish when both partners are able to share their innermost feelings and thoughts about themselves and each other. 

Get open and free with who you really are: From self-help books to yogi retreats, there are an abundance of resources in today’s world that inspire people to find and become the most authentic versions of themselves. First, people must realize their truth by developing an understanding of who they are. (How to attract love by figuring out who you are) Perhaps the incredible power in living one’s truth can be summed up in the following fashion. As a wise man once said, “I tell the truth because it’s the easiest thing to remember.” Living a façade puts an incredible burden on our emotional well being. Speaking the truth, even and most often when it hurts, frees up so much mental space and increases our ability to connect with others. Keep in mind that a large part of such openness requires taking personal responsibility for your wrong doings. If you know, for instance, that your actions or words have hurt your partner, you must admit your faults to live your full truth. 

Set some boundaries: Although setting marital boundaries is currently a hot topic in the mental health field, it appears to be that the subject is often just as relevant to those in the dating game. Boundaries define relationships and protect our individuality as we get closer to our partners. Setting them often seems risky in the early stages of dating, as we don’t want to push those we are interested in too far away or hold them too close. Setting boundaries raises issues that are far more awkward then deciding which side of the bed is his, which is hers, and when it’s okay to go on a Guy’s Night Out. No wonder we don’t want to talk about it! In reality, we are taking a risk if we talk about it and taking a risk if we don’t.


Give this type of communication a try,the payoff is incredible!

If you'd like to create more effective communication in your love life, send an email to

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