4 Reasons "What Men Think" Shouldn't Matter To You AT ALL

Photo: WeHeartIt
 'What Men Think' Really Isn't That Important

Ladies ... PLEASE pause and think twice before you readily accept "advice" from male experts in the dating and relationship field about "what men want."  

The internet is a wonderful place for information, but at the same time 
— the web is also full of wafer-thin "information" known as click bait, published with the reasoning that all info is equal if it draws an audience. 

Our digital devices expose us to an endless barrage of "data" that just sweeps into our lives (through our social media newsfeeds, or even in Google search results). Sure, we can argue this kind of "knowledge" is harmless, but when click bait delves into the realm of love and relationships (and what it takes to successfully find love) that advice becomes far from innocuous. 

For single women, the web is a mine field of bad advice, posted by strangers and assembled in handy, easy-to-read lists. But before you blindly accept any advice you read and willingly change your behavior because the expert offering that advice is male, ask yourself these sanity-saving questions — (yes, posted  by a stranger, assembled in handy list format):

1. Who is this so-called male expert anyway?!

There is a suspicious swell of men out there who love to tell you why you're single, but who the hell are they? What (if anything) actually qualifies them to tell you to change anything about yourself? 

I spent two years composing my dating book, but that doesn’t make me a licensed therapist. I'm just a professional writer with a contempt for my sex's tendency to make women feel bad about themselves. I didn't write my book (or this article) to dictate how you silly women are doing it all wrong. On the contrary, I freely admit that a single, good therapist is worth all the smug male "experts" in the world put together.

2. What is his motivation behind the advice?

A lot of the male-authored advice on the web promises to tell you the "truth" about men, as a pretext for serving the one person the author really care about: himself. You know that super-popular advice book which prompted not just one, but two, hit movies? Funny how snugly its guidance aligns with the author’s own interests, isn't it? 

Not only has it made the author fabulously wealthy, it promotes a worldview that allows him to remain comfortably anchored in that old-fashioned, male-dominated culture. It’s very close to a "blame-the-victim" approach to women's dissatisfaction. Don't blame the failures of men for your romantic ignominy. It's the feminists who made you this way.

3. What is your true goal?

Is "I don't want to be alone at all costs" really a solid foundation for your future happiness? Because, that’s the only problem most of these male experts really solve. If you're so eager (e.g. desperate) to find someone that you'll willingly deny your own emotional needs when they don't please someone else, maybe a boyfriend isn't what you need — an affectionate pet or charismatic house plant is infinitely better than a partner who demands everything on his own terms. 

A good "massage therapist" (ahem) is a lot less expensive and more efficient than a selfish boyfriend. Nothing battery powered has ever purposely made you feel ugly or overweight. (If so, you should buy a more supportive robot. After all, that's what those Amazon customer ratings are for.)

4. Does his advice even make sense?

It’s not just men who've earned tons of money from offering terrible dating advice; there are sadly still women who also happily play off your fears and insecurities and encourage your subservience "to land a man." If you find that the article (book, movie, etc.) spends a large amount of time asking you to ignore your inner voice, get over yourself, or discount even basic logic, then you can almost assuredly skip it with no threat to your well-being (or future love life). 

A wildly popular advice book in my lifetime not only insisted that you adhere to its ridiculous rules during the dating process, it actually had the gall to demand your adherence after you get married. If the best that a "love and dating expert" can promise you is self-lacerating indentured servitude, set him/her up with the mean android I mentioned above and leave A.S.A.P.

Blue Sullivan is the (very-fortunate) boyfriend of a wonderful woman, and author of the recently released self-help book, "Your Ex-Boyfriend Will Hate This," available via Amazon.

YourTango may earn an affiliate commission if you buy something through links featured in this article.