Love, Sex

How To Start ENJOYING Sex Again, Even If You're Totally Bored With It

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How To Enjoy Sexual Intimacy With Your Spouse Again

Have you lost the intimacy between you and your partner? Do you sometimes think the only thing the two of you have in common is the same zip code? Does it seem like you are more like roommates than lovers?

I want to share a beautiful method on how to enjoy sex again with your spouse

When you are married or coupled, over time, it is easy for the relationship to become one of utility instead of sensuality, magic, and love. Each person has their part in the relationship regarding the household and work and each of you is busy doing their part. Or at least we hope so….right?

And in this process, the relationship connection becomes one of questions:

  • "Did you call and reschedule your appointment?"
  • "Can you pick up the kids today?"
  • "What time did you say that event it tonight?"

To enjoy sexual intimacy with your spouse again, you need to do the following:

1. Avoid utilitarian living.

When you get comfortable with each other, on one hand, it is a wonderful feeling. You feel safe knowing the other person is there. On the other hand, that security can also cause boredom or monotony due to a couple falling into the same routine.

This is especially true in the bedroom. If you have found a way that works sexually, you probably do it repeatedly no longer exploring other paths. It brings you pleasure however over time it becomes routine and there isn’t anything special about it. You basically know how to pleasure each other to the point of release and that is all there is.

Or maybe you are a couple that no longer even has a sexual connection. You haven’t had sex in so long that it would even seem weird to be together again in that way. That is an unfortunately all too common situation. I find it heartbreaking unless the two of you are totally happy with the arrangement.

Most that find themselves in such a situation aren’t. We all need love; we all need touch.

When your relationship becomes utilitarian living and you want to enjoy sexual intimacy with your spouse again know there is hope. What is first required though is commitment, energy, and effort on both the individual’s part.

I have a beautiful practice that supports couples in learning how to have deeper sexual intimacy with each other again. It is simple, fun and even healthy.

2. Get a commitment from each other,

Before I describe this practice, it is important for both of you to be into it. You both need to commit to taking this special time for and with each other. Yes, it will take energy and effort to make it happen instead of zoning out with a glass of wine, TV, or a movie. You may have time but what you may not have is commitment.

Schedule a weekly time for the two of you to be together in an intimate way and stick to that schedule.

Get an agreement from your partner and make it part of your life like you do other tasks that need to be done. Cultivating intimacy and keeping your intimacy alive is a task, an important task that needs to be taken seriously if you are to enjoy sexual intimacy with each other for years to come.

This "task" can be fun, enlivening and very enjoyable.

3. Lose the spontaneity.

You or your partner, with this agreement, might be worried such a plan or routine would get rid of the spontaneity. What I would like to emphasize is that planned sex is better than no sex at all. And planned sex creates an intention.

Intentions are powerful. It is through intentions things become manifest. If you are worried about spontaneity being lost in the relationship I want you to know another name for this "beautiful practice" that I have called it thus far is also called sexual exploration.

4. Sexual Exploration

If you want to enjoy sexual intimacy with your spouse again you both need to commit to a life of sexual exploration with each other. It is important to have a spirit of wanting to help the other expand their sexual horizons.

This doesn’t mean going to the local strip joint or bringing another person into your intimate relationship (though I am not here to judge if that is what both people in the partnership are into and want to further explore. Whatever floats your boat, between two consenting adults, if it is safe and empowering to each person).

The type of sexual exploration I am talking about it raw, authentic, and deeply vulnerable. It is the kind of sexual connection that has no pretense or agenda. It is the type of sexual connection that supports the exploration of ones erotic innocence, something that has been stolen from most of us.

5. Try the sexual healing practice.

If you are like most couples, you would greatly benefit from having a sexual healing practice with each other. Sexual healing requires holding space for each other’s sexuality.

What do I mean by holding space for each other’s sexuality? In my training with the Divine Feminine Institute, I learned a form of conscious touch called the nurturing practice of Awakening and Healing (AH), created by Caroline Muir. An AH session can be done fully clothed or completely nude, depending upon your needs and comfort level.

In an AH practice, one person is the receiver and the other is the giver. It is well defined, and there is no confusion. In a typical sex act, this is not the case.

Commonly, it becomes a free-for-all, with each person taking turns giving and receiving touch, often frantically moving toward the goal of one or both partners achieving an orgasm. It can get a bit hectic, and even stressful. The individuals may not fully embrace receiving or giving to the depth possible.

This prevents both individuals from experiencing full pleasure and a deeper level of sexual intimacy with your spouse that is potentially possible.

Another common sex act situation I touched on earlier is that the couple "has it down", so to speak. They know how to give each other orgasms; therefore, the sex act becomes a utilitarian, non-creative, even non-spiritual expression of "getting each other off."

With both sexual expressions, sex often becomes unfulfilling. These are our sexual dilemmas.

The nurturing practice of AH dissolves these dilemmas. In each AH session, there is a giver and receiver as mentioned earlier. The giver is there to "hold space" for the receiver and facilitate an opening to whatever level the receiver is ready to open.

The receiver is in a reclined position that facilitates an opening. The giver is sitting up between the receiver’s legs, facing them. The giver has full access to all the receiver’s chakras (energy centers) and body.

6. Look into each other's eyes.

The AH practice involves eye-gazing, breath, sound, conscious touch, and a tremendous amount of presence and intimacy. It is more presence and intimacy than most are accustomed to. That is why the AH practice is transformative.

When there is presence, any repressed emotions can easily surface. The giver can simply — with their presence, compassion, and love — allow uncomfortable emotions, such as fear, shame, pain, and anger to be transformed or released out of the body.

This practice not only faces the issue of intimacy head on, it helps to bring more aliveness into the body.

With this practice, the focus is on the receiver, relaxing them and giving them a safe environment to open. AH is a way to "hold space" or be present for someone’s sexual energy.

Because one person is the giver and the other is the receiver, the receiver is able to fully focus on themselves and their needs. The way the practice is set up it is much easier for the receiver to explore and ask for what they want with no pressure to have to perform.

This is a powerful way for you to learn more about each other, each other’s bodies, and each other’s sexual needs. This practice is done with all the lights on and eyes open. When you commit to this practice of sexual healing you begin to really see each other.

You learn to share your bodies with each other in a more intimate, caring way. Great things can happen when you learn how to be present and give to your lover in this way since there is no pressure to "get somewhere". Instead this practice is a process of simply sharing healing touch with each other.

Healing touch is a great foundation for enjoying sexual intimacy with your spouse again. When you commit to developing

In conclusion, you don’t have to be a couple that has lost the juice. The juice simply needs to be cultivated regularly but in a different way. In a way that brings more vitality to each other’s bodies and more intimacy between each other’s hearts.

Don’t lose touch with each other. And I do mean touch. Become each other’s healers. When you do the sexual intimacy will follow.

Anna-Thea is a Spiritual Sexual Educator. She is dedicated to educating women, offering them new perspectives about relationships and intimacy. If you would like to find out more about this healing practice and how it can help you enjoy sexual intimacy with your spouse again contact Anna-Thea or call 702-306-3984.

Watch this video to see what a session of Sexual Awakening and Healing session with Caroline Muir is like:

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This article was originally published at Reprinted with permission from the author.