The Main Reason You're Still Single

single latina woman
Love, Sex

Whenever I engage in conversations with single men and women about dating and relationships, all I hear is whining and complaining directed at the behavior of the opposite sex.

Many women in today's society will say, "I don't need a man; I am fine just by myself." To them I say: No, you are not. We were not given the opportunity to experience life on earth to be happy at home by ourselves. Men in today's society will say, "I am never getting married. Marriage is for losers."  But no, marriage is not for losers. I know many winners who love being married and have been married for many years.

So, why is there so much animosity and resentment among singles today?  Here's the short answer to that question: It's due to the increased prevalence of both premarital sex and short-term non-monogamous "casual" sex. In previous centuries, men and women always had their share of philosophical differences related to love, sex, dating and relationships, but members of both genders generally got along. Why? Because prior to the popularity of modern day birth control methods, men and women typically waited until marriage to have sex.

And here's the longer answer: Unlike many women, the vast majority of men are not looking for sex from women within the context of a long-term, emotional, monogamous relationship. In fact, at least half of single, heterosexual me are looking for sex within the context of either: a short-term non-monogamous relationship (e.g., one-night stand, weekend fling, etc.); a short-term monogamous relationship (e.g., "sex buddies," your typical "boyfriend-girlfriend" relationship that has no chance of leading to marriage, etc.); or a long-term, non-monogamous relationship (e.g., "friends-with-benefits" relationship, any type of polyamorous relationship such as an "open marriage" or "open relationship," etc.).

Even many of the women who are not interested in engaging in frequent episodes of casual sex with men realize that a good number of men will "offer them things" in exchange for a few quick episodes of pleasurable sex. Thus, what we have is a nation full of single men and women playing "manipulative head games" with one another. 

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Here is how men play manipulative head games with women. They say to themselves: I am going to pretend like I am interested in having a long-term, monogamous relationship with you, but in reality, all I want is short-term and/or non-monogamous sex. Once I have sex with you for a few days, a few weeks, or a few months, I am going to think of a way to break up with you and move on to my next conquest.

Meanwhile, here's what women tell themselves: I know you want to get in my pants, but instead of immediately and straight-forwardly reciprocating your sexual desires and interests or harshly and abruptly rejecting them, I am going to string you along for a few days or a few weeks to see what you are going to offer me. Flattery? Entertaining social companionship? Expensive lunches and dinners at the finest restaurants? I am going see what you are willing to offer me in exchange for my sexual companionship, and once I have taken advantage of you, I am going to start ignoring you.

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These two forms of "head games" are at the core of the growing chasm between male and female singles. Fortunately, the solution is simple.

Men need to always be upfront and straightforward about what type of sex they want. Long-term? Short-term? Monogamous? Non-monogamous? Resist the temptation to lead women on by playing with their emotions. As they say, "Hell hath no fury like ... " Well, you know the rest. Women should quit using their beauty and the allure of your sexual companionship to motivate men to spend money on them, boost their self-esteem, entertain them and listen empathically  to their problems and frustrations. If you are not interested in having sex with a man — particularly casual sex — just tell him that from the beginning.

As long as single men and women continue to engage in these head games, more men will be at home on a Friday and Saturday nights without female companionship, and more women will be in the same boat. I guess that is why cable television was invented, right?