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Woman's Boyfriend Refuses To Get Married But Wants Her To Act 'Wifey' & Gets Upset When She Goes Home

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Couple taking a photo in the mirror

Finding the right moment to settle down and commit to marriage is no small task—it's the biggest decision many of us will ever make in our lives, after all.

But there's a pretty firm difference between cautiously taking your time, and dragging your feet with a partner who's ready to commit so you can have your cake and eat it too.

For one woman on Reddit, her boyfriend seems to firmly be in the latter camp, and it's really getting on her nerves.

In a post in the "r/TwoXChromosomes" subreddit, a forum devoted to women's issues, she aired out what's going on in her relationship, and why she says she's had enough.

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The woman's boyfriend never wants to get married, but expects her to act like his wife.

"My boyfriend never wants to get married," she writes in her post, "but wants me constantly at his place acting wifey. Sorry, can't have it both ways darling!"

But despite not wanting to get married, her boyfriend has very old-fashioned ideas about relationships and gender roles.

Her unwillingness to act "wifey" and assume the caretaker role often expected of women is starting to cause friction in their relationship.



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She says he acts like "surprised Pikachu" every time she refuses to "bend over backwards" for him.

And he expects her to spend all of her time at his home "doing his dishes and cooking us dinner."

She also owns her own home and has a life of her own, but her boyfriend wishes she'd spend more time with him, even though he doesn't want to marry her.

She writes that she enjoys her life, "playing my video games and cackling at my trashy TV shows"—and her boyfriend doesn't like it at all.

Each time she leaves her boyfriend's house to go to her own, she says he starts "pouting," even after she spends the night with him.

She says he often expresses disappointment she won't be around when he gets home from work, saying "I thought you would hang out until I get home."

Despite her boyfriend's commitment phobia and unrealistic expectations, she says she'd still drop everything to marry him.

As frustrated as she is, the woman seems to contradict herself.

She's had about all she can take of her boyfriend's expectations, writing, "Like no," she writes, "I have my own life, I'm not a friggin golden retriever that sits looking out the window waiting for you to get home."

But she still says she'd jettison that independent life in a heartbeat if he proposed.

"If he wanted to get married I would 100% sell this place and move in with him," she writes, "but since he wants a girlfriend and not a wife that is what he gets!"

And she feels the way despite his long-standing history of doing this other women. In a comment on her post, she wrote that "he was with his ex almost 14 years before she left him because she wanted a ring and kids."

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Commenters on Reddit and Twitter agreed her boyfriend is trying to have his cake and eat it too—and that she is willfully helping him do it.

"This dude will end up losing her then sit back and wonder where it all went wrong," one Twitter user wrote, while another raked the boyfriend over the coals for "looking to date his mom."

Another woman on Twitter was a lot more direct, and had a far less charitable view of the woman's boyfriend—"He's not looking for a Wifey he's looking for a bangmaid."

But many others wondered why she was even staying with her boyfriend in the first place.

As one Redditor put it, "If he told you straight up how he feels about marriage, then why are you still staying with him?"

Another user agreed, adding, "Exactly. Some of the best advice I’ve ever gotten is, when a man tells you who he is/what he wants, believe him."

But one commenter was far blunter—and summed up the situation perfectly.

"Girl are you listening to yourself here lol"

"To recap, this guy strung along his ex for 14 years...wasted a decade and a half of her life, he doesn’t clean up after himself and he expects a woman to do all the cooking and laundry and chores."

"And you want to marry him? Why?"

They went on to give the woman some sage advice.

"I think you should seriously reflect on why you are putting yourself through all this...just to get a ring from him."

All that glitters isn't always gold, as the saying goes.

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John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice and human interest topics.