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Woman Wonders If She's Wrong To Want Stranger In Delivery Room Instead Of Unsupportive Husband

Photo: Gorodenkoff | Shutterstock
woman giving birth in hospital

A woman has posted to the subreddit 'AITA' (Am I The A**Hole), looking for advice after she refused to let her husband into the delivery room while she was giving birth, and instead, wanted her doula there.

The woman had gotten pregnant three months ago, and her husband wasn't happy about it after she'd told him.

He doesn't want her to not have the child, but he has been mean and distant since they learned they are having a baby.

She explains that she would rather have a "stranger" with her in the delivery room than her absent husband.

"He works a lot and I’m used to being on my own most of the day and with my job I’m often alone too so I don’t think I’ve been needy but I have felt extra alone the last few months," the woman wrote in her Reddit post.

She ended up reaching out to a friend she'd met online, who has been helpful and given the woman support throughout her pregnancy, despite the fact that they live in separate countries.

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After having another argument with her husband, in which he told her that he wouldn't be coming with her to any more ultrasounds and didn't care about the "pregnancy part" because it didn't concern him, the woman's online friend decided to help her out.

The woman's friend ended up paying for her to have a doula, which is someone, usually a woman, who is employed to provide guidance and support to a pregnant woman during labor. 

"She doesn’t do any doctor stuff but she is a mental support for me and someone I can text anytime throughout the pregnancy and I can even have her at the birth if I want to help support me," the woman explained, adding that both of her parents have passed, so it was a really sweet gesture.

After meeting her doula, the woman found that she was "such a warm, sweet, and almost motherly figure," and she ended up really liking the doula.

She said she would accompany the woman to future ultrasound appointments if she needed additional support, which gave the woman "instant relief."

In the area where the woman lives, you are only allowed to have one person in the delivery room while giving birth, most likely due to COVID-19.

The woman explains that she hopes the rules change by the time she's due, but if it doesn't, she's thinking of asking her doula to be there instead of her husband.

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"I didn’t think he would care as he said he didn’t want to be involved in most things but when I mentioned to him that maybe this person could be with me for delivery he got upset and said no," the woman continued.

After mentioning it to him, the woman's husband ended up telling his brother, who told her she "was a real piece of work," and that she would be an a**hole for not letting her husband meet their son first. Though, they don't know the gender of the baby yet.

"My friend who hired the doula said I should do whatever I need to but she doesn’t fully understand because her husband is really sweet and would do literally anything for her which isn’t really the norm but she doesn’t know that."

The woman's other friend told her that it would be wrong to let someone besides her husband be in the delivery room unless it was a family member, but the woman explained that she doesn't have any close family.

Most people under the Reddit thread were in agreement that the woman was NTA (Not The A**Hole) for refusing to let her husband be in the delivery room.

"He definitely shouldn't be allowed to enjoy the perks of fatherhood like witnessing the birth after refusing to do any of the work, i.e. supporting you. He does know he's responsible for creating this baby, right...?" one user commented.

Another user commented, "A husband refusing to support his wife during pregnancy, being so cold and unkind to her during this huge life moment is NOT normal. It sounds like you're in an emotionally toxic and abusive relationship and don’t even realize."

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Nia Tipton is a writer living in Brooklyn. She covers pop culture, social justice issues, and trending topics. Follow her on Instagram.

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