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Wife Seeks Advice After Husband Keeps Trying To Spend Alone Time With Their Surrogate & Buy Her Extravagant Gifts

Photo: Olena Yakobchuk / Shutterstock.com
Surrogate family

A 34-year-old woman and her 37-year-old husband, Hunter, were having fertility problems and decided to get a surrogate mother to have their child.

The couple was getting everything done legally, and the surrogate mother is a respectful woman who has been keeping up her end of the contract as well, but then Hunter started acting weird and put pressure on his wife and the surrogate mother.

He had been buying the surrogate mother gifts and even bought her a $9,000 car behind his wife’s back.

After all of this came to light, the wife got into an argument with her husband and freaked out — yelling and getting angry with him, causing her to feel bad in the aftermath and worry whether or not she was wrong for reacting how she did.

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Looking for a little bit of help and reassurance, she took to Reddit where she posted on the popular subreddit “r/AmItheA--hole” (AITA), where strangers post their stories and more strangers comment on those stories with ratings and advice.

The ratings answer the question in the title of the subreddit, boiling down to “yes” or “no” along with a few other options that rarely get used — and in this case, the resounding vote was no.

“It's Hunter who's starting to act strange,” wrote the wife who made the post.

“I've noticed that he's been focusing his all attention on our surrogate like skipping work to visit her or get her things she didn't ask for, chatting with her all the time on social media, and also constantly offering to do things for her like .... drive her places and sometimes even invite her out or offer to repair stuff for her.”

This all seems weird for someone to do while married, even for someone who is having you and your wife’s child, but it gets much, much worse from there.

“She complained to me about this and even told me about things he's been doing that I didn't even know about, like bringing her gifts,” she said, deciding that she would talk to him about it.

When she brought it up, however, he got defensive, saying that it was “for his son and not her.”

When she asked him to tone it down, he accused her of being jealous and said this makes her look bad.

When she told him that the surrogate mother was the one complaining about it, he was in denial, so she just left it alone for a while.

“Yesterday, our surrogate called me saying that Hunter came over and told her guests to leave, I asked why and she said that he wanted to show her the 9k car he bought for her,” she continued.

“I was shocked, she said she declined the car and asked him to leave but he started arguing with her about using public transportation and risking our baby's wellbeing.”

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$9,000 is a lot of money to spend behind your wife’s back for a car for your surrogate mother.

After demanding he return home, she fought with him, making a strong point that seems to hit the core of this issue.

“I told him to stop disrespecting the woman and stop using the baby as an excuse to stomp all over her boundaries,” she said.

After that, he turned it on her, saying that she wasn’t actually doing enough and claiming that she didn’t care.

He refused to talk to her for a while, and that’s when the doubt started to creep in and she needed to know if she was wrong.

Fortunately, all of the Redditors are on her side and are calling this 37-year-old man’s behavior disturbing and borderline stalker-ish.

They’re trying to formulate reasons on why he might be behaving in this way — from him having a crush on the surrogate mother, to him trying to control her body, and even that he feels guilty for needing a surrogate and is compensating for the detachment.

Some Redditors are offering suggestions in the form of legal counsel in which the surrogate mother could express her needs officially in order to get Hunter to stop.

Hopefully, the amateur counsel she received from these internet strangers gave her the reassurance she needs and the ideas to help her through this situation with her husband and surrogate mother.

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Isaac Serna-Diez is a writer who focuses on entertainment and news, social justice, and politics. Follow him on Twitter here.