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She refuses to be the breadwinner for their family.
By Nia Tipton — Written on Feb 22, 2023
"I have been with my husband for like 10 years. When we met we both had [horrible] jobs and always agreed it would be 50/50 struggling together," a woman began in a confessional, posted to the subreddit "r/AmItheA--hole" (AITA).
The subreddit is an online forum where users try to figure out if they were wrong or not in an argument that has been bothering them.
She told her husband that if he stops working and she has to be the main provider, she will 'lose respect for him.'
In her Reddit post, she explained that during the last year, her career has really taken off, and she is now earning a considerably higher amount than when she first married her husband.
"It's really cool and I've offered to take on a lot more finances, like more of the bills and paying for trips and fun things, but recently my husband made a comment about how soon he won't have to work at his job," she remarked.
While their children are now going to school full-time, she pointed out that there is no reason for a "full-time parent" and that she also never agreed to become one herself.
After hearing that her husband was thinking about quitting his job, she told him that if he did she would "lose respect for him" since she doesn't want to have to be "financially responsible for a grown man."
"It got very silent and I asked if he understood [that] we were on the same page, and he said yes."
The reason he wanted to quit his job was to pursue a career in art.
Her husband's thought process was that if he quits his job, he would be able to spend more time making art, as he has always done it on the side but hasn't been able to make a steady income from it.
She continued, saying that her husband has "always dreamt of making that full-time," but if she let him quit his job, she'd feel as if he were "leeching" off of her money instead of making his own.
On the other hand, she wonders if her turning down the opportunity for him to be an artist is a missed chance for her to be supportive of his dreams.
"I mean yes, I could technically sustain us on my own but I feel like me improving my situation is no excuse for him to step back in his," she pointed out.
She would also be fine if he chose to work as an artist part-time, but would expect more things around the house to be done if that became the case.
"But that also makes me feel like some patriarch from the 50s even though I’m a woman," she concluded.
A majority of people who commented on the woman's post agreed that she was 'Not The A--hole' (NTA).
"He didn't discuss it with you, he just started saying how much he was looking forward to not working anymore. Like it was a done deal," one user wrote.
"These are things that need to be discussed and agreed on. And you are well within your rights to say you don't want to be the sole breadwinner, even if you make enough to do so."
Another user added, "There is so much more to consider than just salary and living expenses, and you both should be partners in planning for your current and future financial goals."
"Maybe meet with a financial planner and see what your situation will look like with and without his salary."
A third user chimed in, "Not cool. Jobs can change in a heartbeat, life things can happen. Once you leave the workforce, it can be very hard to get back into it. This is something you both need to discuss."
Nia Tipton is a writer living in Brooklyn. She covers pop culture, social justice issues, and trending topics. Keep up with her on Instagram and Twitter.