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Woman Tells Her Friend Her Bathing Suit Is 'A Bit Risqué For A Mom' Then Gets Upset By Her Cutting Response

Photo: Yan Krukau / Pexels
Mom in a bathing suit

Any mother will surely tell you that raising children is a significant part of her life. However, for many women, it is not the only role they take seriously. 

In addition to being a mother, women can assume many positions in their life including working full-time jobs, being dedicated partners, and being dependable friends. 

However, some women take their title of “mother” and integrate it as part of their personality. 

One woman shared how she recently got into an intense conversation with a friend who has made being a mother the center of her universe and asked if she is wrong for not feeling the same way. 

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The woman told her friend that being a mother is not a ‘personality’ after she criticized her own views on motherhood. 

Sharing her story to the subreddit thread, r/AmITheA–hole, the 35-year-old, who is a mother herself, sought the opinions of other Redditors, asking if she was too harsh on her friend. 

She began her post by revealing that she and her husband have a five-year-old daughter named Maddie and that her friend, Ollie, and his wife, Rebecca, have a four-year-old daughter named Beth. 

“Ollie and I have been friends for ten years, he's been with Rebecca for six,” she wrote.  “Rebecca and I have never had any issues, but I wouldn't say I know her very well.” 

Last year, the woman and her husband moved abroad, and Ollie and Rebecca, and Beth took a trip to visit them. 

The family decided to live abroad permanently so that their daughter could have a stable education. 

“I absolutely adore Maddie, and being her mother is the greatest thing that's ever happened to me,” the woman wrote. However, she shares that she has other life passions besides being a mother. 

“That said, the meta experience of 'motherhood' is something I just don't identify with. When I'm in social situations, I talk about Maddie when it's topical, but I don't talk about what it's like ‘to be a mother.’ I don't talk about parenting or kids.” 

Rebbeca on the other hand is the opposite.  “If she's not trying to gather a consensus on parenting, she's pre-packing snacks a day in advance even though anywhere we're going is ten meters from a cafe,” the woman shared. 

“It can be very tiring, especially as most of the time these conversations are directed solely at me, and she can be very judgemental if I try to shut the conversation down.” 

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A few days into Ollie and Rebecca’s visit, the couples decided to go into the hot tub after the kids were asleep. 

The woman was wearing one of her own swimsuits that she designed, which Rebecca decided to make an unwarranted comment on. 

“Rebecca commented that it was ‘a bit risqué for a mom,” she wrote. At that point, she had enough of Rebecca’s attitude and snapped. 

“I said, ‘what exactly does that mean? Do you realize being a mother isn't a personality?" 

Her remarks caused Rebecca to burst into tears and flee inside the house. Ollie told the woman it would be best to give her some space and criticized her word choices. 

“He said it was a harsh thing to say considering how Rebecca throws herself into parenting,” she wrote. “I made the point that since I've had a kid, he doesn't treat me any differently so why is it fair that his wife does.” 

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Although she apologized to Rebecca the next morning, she claims that the rest of their visit was “awkward.” 

She decided to go to her friends and ask them their opinion regarding the situation.

“I've spoken to other friends about this and most say I was cold to say that to Rebecca because obviously being a mother is her entire identity and I basically told her it wasn't allowed to be,” she wrote. 

“People also say Rebecca's way of being is completely normal and I don't understand because all my friends are either men or don't have kids.” 

Still, the woman stands by what she said and that being a mother should not be one’s entire personality. 

Most Redditors sided with the woman. 

“You weren't really personally attacking her; you were standing up for your own preserved sense of identity as a sexual creature (assuming based on the comment that the bathing suit was ‘risque’) and individual despite also wearing the hat of mother,” one user pointed out.

“I can understand why a woman like that would have a level of jealousy of a woman who hasn't just handed her entire sense of self over to that mindset.” 

“It sounds like you were patient and gracious with her until she did some outdated combo punch of body-shaming and insulting your parenting values,” another user wrote. “Being a parent is an important part of someone's identity, but everyone holds that differently.” 

“There is no such thing as "mom-appropriate clothing" because 'mom' isn't a body type either and everyone should just wear whatever they feel their best in,” another user commented. 

“I don't understand the whole "you aren't sexual anymore, you're a mother" thing. Like... how do they think people become mothers in the first place,” another user noted. 

However, others believed that the woman’s remarks toward Rebecca were offensive. 

“To her, being a mother is a massive part of her identity, and that's okay, in the same way that it isn't really part of yours,” one user commented. 

“Rebecca had no business commenting on how risque the suit was, but OP [original poster] basically told her she had no personality,” another user wrote. 

“No one wins when inappropriate judgment is met with a personal attack,” another user added. 

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Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.