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Man Asks If He's Wrong For Telling His Daughter It's 'Ok' To Use Her Mother For Money

Photo: Sabrina Bracher | Shutterstock
mother and adult daughter hugging

A man is being ridiculed on Reddit after sharing that he told his daughter that she can use her mother for money.

Posting to the subreddit "r/AmItheA--hole" (AITA) — a forum where users try to figure out if they were wrong or not in an argument that has been bothering them — he explained that he and his ex-wife, Judy, share a 13-year-old daughter, Scarlet.

"We had her and Judy completely changed, she wasn't caring toward Scarlet, they didn't bond and she blamed Scarlet for us losing our independence," he wrote in his Reddit post, adding that Judy had never wanted children.

A year after their divorce, Judy gave her ex-husband everything, including custody of their daughter, who she didn't want to see anymore.

Since then, Judy has been living in Los Angeles and divides her time between there, Mumbai, New York City, and London.

"To her credit, every time her financial situation changed, she would come back and get our child support agreement changed to give more to Scarlet," he said.

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When trying to convince his daughter to see her mom, he told her it was 'ok' to use her mother for money.

He explained that while Judy hasn't been a constant figure in their daughter's life, she's made an effort to speak to Scarlet more often and come over to their house more frequently.

"She phones every night unless she's in London, Mumbai, or NYC - in which case she just sends a text," he explained. "Now, I'm not saying that this makes up for anything but she has been a presence in Scarlet's life."

Recently, he and Scarlet found out that her mother's grandfather was very sick and only had a month left to live.

Because of that, Judy requested that Scarlet accompany her to India for the funeral during the teenager's spring break.

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"I'm fine with that, my wife is fine with that. However, Scarlet got really upset at the idea of spending two weeks in India."

While trying to cheer his daughter up, he told her that her mom would be able to "take her to all the nice places," and she'll get to meet part of her family and see "great things."

However, Scarlet wasn't budging, telling her dad that she thought it was all "unfair."

"So, I pointed out that at the very least, she can get whatever she wants out of her mom in those two weeks," he recalled.

After telling his daughter that, he didn't realize that Judy had been listening to their conversation and was immediately taken aback by how angry she got.

Judy called him an "a-hole" for telling their daughter that she could use her for cash because of how absent she's been in Scarlet's life.

"I pointed out I didn't say that but we argued and since then, I realize what I said kind of did amount to that," he concluded.

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Most people who commented on the man's Reddit post agreed that he was in the wrong.

"So, your message to your daughter was, 'it’s good to let other people do things with you that make you uncomfortable as long as they pay you,'" one user wrote. 

"Great parenting. No way that message could go wrong."

Another user added, "If Scarlett does not want to go then respect that. She is old enough to state if she does not want to travel to India."

"As for 'using her mom', this is the wrong thing to tell a child. It speaks to your frustration [and] disappointment of her mother so deal with this privately."

"Kids should not have to deal with your unresolved crap and negative perspectives."

A third user disagreed, defending the man for trying to coax his daughter into going on the trip with her mom.

"In regards to the comment about 'getting whatever she wants out of her mom,' it may have been distasteful but it doesn’t make you an a-hole."

"Sounds like you were just trying to negotiate with your daughter to give her reasons to want to go."

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Nia Tipton is a writer living in Brooklyn. She covers pop culture, social justice issues, and trending topics. Keep up with her on Instagram and Twitter.