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Woman Called 'Selfish' For Announcing Pregnancy In Front Of Sister-In-Law Who Is Battling Infertility

Photo: Yan Krukau / Pexels
Pregnant woman looking out window

A woman has been called "selfish" by some of her family members after announcing her pregnancy at Christmas in front of her sister-in-law who struggles with infertility.

In a post to Reddit's "r/AmITheA--hole" (AITA) subreddit, where users try to figure out if they were in the wrong in a conflict, the woman's husband explained what happened.

In his Reddit post, the man explained that he and his wife had t-shirts made announcing their pregnancy, which they changed into at their family Christmas celebration.

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His sister-in-law, who has had six miscarriages, immediately became upset.

The man acknowledged that he understood how difficult and traumatic this topic is for his brother's wife, and that he was "not discounting that at all."

He also said he and his wife "discussed at length" how to handle the announcement, and that "keeping my SIL (sister-in-law) in mind was the main topic of conversation."

But he also added that his sister-in-law is a "center of attention kind of person" who will often "sh-t talk other people...to make herself look like the best person in the room."

He and his wife "also didn't feel like it was right to let her dictate our actions and make it impossible to celebrate the life that we're creating."

So they went forward with their plan anyway.

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His sister-in-law responded by locking herself in the bathroom.

She then left early and sent his wife an angry message.

"To say I’m disappointed is an understatement... We have six dead children... " she wrote.

She also took his wife to task for not sending "a heads up text," adding that "springing you’re pregnant on [us]...was uncalled for and completely ruined [our] Christmas."

She went on to tell his wife she'd damaged their relationship and threatened to never attend another family gathering because of their "completely selfish and careless" announcement.

She then claimed the announcement "showed me you really don’t care about me," and that she's not happy about their pregnancy.

She closed the message by explaining that she left early "because I couldn't stand being there for another minute in a house that I didn't feel loved in."

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Many Reddit users felt the man's sister-in-law had seriously overreacted.

Many felt the man's sister-in-law was unfairly deflecting her infertility trauma. One user called the sister-in-law's message "disturbing" and accused her of "trauma dumping." 

They went on to say that the Redditor's "unhinged" sister-in-law "needs severe therapy," and that her anger comes down to one thing—"you guys are pregnant and she’s not."

Another user agreed that the sister-in-law took things way too far.

She wrote, "I really, REALLY don't understand why not being able to have kids is something that is treated differently from any other 'want' in life. Having a kid is a WANT, not a need." 

"I do not get why people are allowed to go so crazy when if it was ANYTHING ELSE it would be clear they desperately need an intervention."

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But others vehemently disagreed and were firmly on the sister-in-law's side.

One user wrote that, "being blindsided with news of someone's pregnancy after SIX miscarriages would be upsetting for anyone in that situation."

Another was in disbelief that the man "legit thinks announcing a pregnancy with t-shirts is a sensitive way to break the news to someone who has suffered SIX miscarriages."

Another felt that the sister-in-law had been perfectly reasonable.

They wrote, "she didn’t say they shouldn’t have told, she said ‘you could’ve given me a heads up’, which is always the advice in a situation like this."

"That is so obvious and basic a thing to do. They handed out pregnancy announcement t shirts to people who’ve had 6 miscarriages!"

And many responded by saying that this whole conflict could have been avoided with just some basic common courtesy.

As one put it, "giving a heads up to people struggling with infertility and loss is...pretty standard and expected."

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John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice and human interest topics.