The Depressing Reason Why Men Are Overprotective Of The Women In Their Lives
The best thing that we, as men, can do is call other men out for their behaviors.
StockLite, StefanDahl, RoyalAnwar, VALPAZOU, Tima Miroshnichenko | Canva A picture is worth a thousand words, and that’s a sentiment that I feel perfectly describes the video Emily Nierengarten uploaded to TikTok on August 24, 2023. The short, 5-second clip sees Emily in her car, minding her business and drinking water with a bit of text floating above her head.
The subject of discussion is the overprotectiveness that men feel toward the women closest to them in their lives. Boyfriends, dads, brothers, whoever it may be — there’s a reason they’re all so overprotective.
She claims that they are overprotective of the women in their lives because even men don’t trust men.
The quote from her text exactly is, “when you realize that boyfriends, dads, and brothers are so overprotective of women in their lives because even men don’t trust men.” She provides viewers with a look of surprise and writes, “Everything makes so much sense but then not at all,” in the caption. But to me, a 25-year-old man with many women in my life that I hold dear, it makes perfect sense. Emily’s small statement elicits such a near and dear, emotional response in my head.
Of course men don’t trust other men.
The rise of the “#MeToo” movement was a powerful stepping stone in raising awareness of just how prevalent of a danger men are to women from all walks of life. In response to this movement, to minimize the arguments and claims from women in the most fragile and toxically masculine way possible, the hashtag “#NotAllMen” rose in popularity.
As a man, there’s a level of self-awareness that you can reach where you start to understand what I believe is a fundamental truth and a quote that has stuck with me for quite some time — “Not all men, but somehow always a man.” Men are the problem, and it’s clear as day when you realize that the patriarchy has ruled over society since its inception and to this day.
The statistics are overwhelmingly one-sided.
According to an online survey launched in January 2018 by a nonprofit called Stop Street Harassment, 81 percent of women had experienced some form of sexual harassment during their lifetime. An equally disturbing, though less prevalent, 41 percent of men had experienced some form of sexual harassment.
According to the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, between the years of 2018 and 2021, 78.2% of sexual harassment charges in the workplace were filed by women.
According to The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, approximately 1 in 5 women reported completed or attempted rape at some point in their lifetime.
While there may be some margins for error, such as women being the perpetrators and false accusations (which are incredibly low), the most important one to look at is the under-reporting. The National Sexual Violence Resource Center reported that 63% of sexual assaults are not reported to police. According to a BBC survey in 2017, 63% of women did not file complaints of the sexual harassment they receive in the workplace.
These statistics, numbers, and figures lead to one conclusion — women have every reason to fear men.
Women fear men. If you are a woman who does not fear men and you’re reading this, I believe we've reached the point where there’s a privilege that comes with the ability to not fear men. Maybe you’re very well protected or you’re confident that you can protect yourself. Maybe you don’t see it happening around you or maybe it’s just something you don’t believe you need to fear out of principle.
But as a man, I've read all of the statistics. I read the stories online of women who have been killed for something as small as not responding to unwanted advances from a man. I hear the stories from women close to me of their experiences with men. I understand the fear that they feel when walking to or from anywhere at night.
Even as a man, I don't trust men.
As a man, I have the privilege of not feeling these fears or experiencing the same things that women do. I can walk around at night as I please with my only fear being a mugging or robbery of some sort — and even then, according to the FBI in 2012, 87 percent of arrests made for robbery charges were men. Men account for 80.1 percent of all violent crimes.
Why would I trust men? What reason do I have? Men have shown that time and time again, they are the problem. My natural suspicion towards other men comes from an awareness that women have to live in fear of them.
On a more personal and emotional level, both sides of the aisle wrong each other, but I’ve also seen men closest to me treat women like objects and hold beliefs that closely align with misogynistic views. The rise of people like Andrew Tate and how young boys are so easily influenced into behaving like villains toward women because they think it’s “cool.”
The best thing that we, as men can do as “allies” in this situation, is call other men out for their behaviors and do our best to lift women’s voices. To listen when we're needed to listen and hope for a future in which our efforts and the efforts of others create a better world for the women we hold close.
Isaac Serna-Diez is an Assistant Editor for YourTango who focuses on entertainment and news, social justice, and politics.