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She hates her mother's parties.
By NyRee Ausler — Written on Mar 20, 2023
Having thick skin is an essential part of parenting that no one tells you about, especially when it comes to teens. They can be a little selfish when it comes to putting their own needs above those of their mother and father.
A 16-year-old recently took to the "r/AmITheA--hole" (AITA) subreddit to ask if she was in the wrong for skipping out on a party her mother had planned for her birthday in favor of her dad’s "awesome" party.
The teen started by explaining that her parents are divorced and take turns throwing her annual birthday parties.
This year happened to be her mom’s turn and a milestone as the girl would be turning 16.
She told readers that she wanted to have a “cool” party this year and was unenthused that her mom would be putting it together. According to her, “My mom's parties are always so lame. [She] always invites her family who [has] a bunch of little kids that I don't like and she won't even get my favorite cake because it's peanut butter cake and my brother is severely allergic to peanut butter.”
The teen went on to complain about the “cheap” gifts that her mom buys and the undesirable food. She specifically took issue with the meals her mother cooks, saying they are even worst than the “awful” restaurants she chooses.
She told her mother that she wanted to spend this birthday with her dad, but her mom insisted on throwing the party and would not take ‘no’ for an answer.
The young woman decided to ask her father to throw her a party anyway. She said that it was awesome, apparently, everything she had imagined when she pictured celebrating her "Sweet 16."
But her excitement was short-lived. Her mother called crying, embarrassed because her daughter opted to skip the party she had thrown. To make matters worse, everyone in attendance has seen pictures that the birthday girl posted on Instagram from the party her father threw.
Now the teenager’s entire maternal side of her family is up in arms about the way she treated her mom. They think she is clearly wrong for ditching them all on her big day.
Many said she was in the right based on their belief that her mother should have listened to her and met her requests.
Turning 16 years old is significant. One commenter said, “OP (original poster) just wanted a birthday for once that was truly about her for this one day. Mom hasn’t been listening or communicating with OP in a meaningful way regarding her birthdays. OP is a teenager rapidly approaching adulthood who is still being treated like a child by her mom.”
That person went on to say that the mother was “playing [the] victim” and being manipulative. They thought that if she could not give her daughter what she wanted on her birthday, the day should have been allowed to.
There are some hints of parental manipulation at play. It happens in 11-15% of divorces and puts children in a position of choosing one or the other. It can result in depression, self-esteem issues, and mistrust if parents are not careful to give children the space and autonomy they need to grow into healthy adults.
It seems like this teen has already picked one side over the other, and it's the mom's job to fix the damage she has already done.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and author of seven books. She covers lifestyle and entertainment and news, as well as navigating the workplace and social issues.