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She uninvited the family behind his back.
By Megan Quinn — Written on Dec 22, 2022
With the holiday season upon us, many people are preparing to travel to visit family or host family gatherings.
The season can be as joyful as it is stressful, especially for those hosting with their endless lists of errands and preparations.
One woman revealed that she became overwhelmed and felt so underprepared for a large Christmas gathering at her home that she wound up canceling the festivities.
The pregnant woman canceled her husband's family Christmas party without talking it over.
When the woman’s husband discovered that she had canceled the gathering without his knowledge, he called her behavior “outrageously appalling” — and demanded a hand-written apology.
She claims that she canceled the Christmas party because she did not have enough time to prepare to host so many guests since her husband failed to inform her of the details of the gathering.
Ultimately reusing to apologize, she posted her story on the subreddit "r/AmItheA–hole" (AITA), asking if she was wrong for refusing to apologize to her husband after canceling the Christmas gathering.
The 32-year-old woman began her post by revealing that she works full-time, while her 39-year-old husband works night shifts three times a week.
They have a two-year-old son and the woman is also six months pregnant.
The woman and her husband never hosted previous Christmas parties, and doing so proved to be more challenging than the woman anticipated.
“My husband has a large family. And on every Christmas, they'd gather at his father's house,” she wrote.
Sadly, her father-in-law passed away a year ago, and so the woman’s husband decided that for Christmas this year, they would host the family gatherings at their home.
“Unbeknownst to me, he sent out invitations for a five-day Christmas celebration to his entire family which are about 26 members in total,” the woman wrote.
Overwhelmed, the woman confronted her husband, who didn't see an issue with this.
“He said I shouldn't be surprised and just get used to it because after his father's death he's now the family's 'head' and all major family events will be held in our house and in his presence,” the woman shared.
The woman was frustrated that her husband failed to alert her of his family plans since she had to work, manage the house and take care of their son.
“He said we'll manage if I took time off work but that means more workload later and it'd take away from my maternity leave,” the woman wrote.
She insisted that her husband rescind the invitations he sent to the family, to which he replied “over my dead body.”
The woman ultimately decided to take matters into her own hands, writing “I ended up sending a mass text to everyone who received an invitation explaining that we will not be hosting Christmas this year.”
When her husband discovered the news, the woman claims that he “went off,” explaining “[He] said that I broke his word to his family and made him look small and with no authority.”
“I in a very strict tone replied that I didn't sign up to host a celebration and accommodate 26 people while pregnant, taking care of a toddler, and working,” she wrote.
Later, the woman’s husband berated her for "disrespecting" him and his late father and demanded a hand-written apology.
When the woman refused to apologize, her mother-in-law gave her a “stern talking to” about how she crossed a line by taking control of her husband’s decisions regarding the family.
Redditors supported the woman for her decision.
"OP [original poster], tell him if he wants to host Christmas celebrations, he's got the time and spoons to do it," one user commented.
"Or, since he didn't bother to ask you first and just told you to do it, you could go spend Christmas with your family, right? You don't need to ask, just tell him you're taking the baby with you and going to stay with your family."
Another user argued, "He sent those invitations out without her knowledge for a reason. He knew she'd object."
"He wagered that having already sent the invitations out would bind her against her will into putting on a five-day, 26-person extravaganza while working full time to support the family, taking care of a toddler, and being in the last trimester of pregnancy."
A third wrote, "OP is working full time, raising a toddler, and pregnant. And her husband expects her to entertain a houseful of people for five days with no help? Yeah, no."
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.