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Mom Learns Her Daughter Refused To Invite Her 'Chubby' Friend On Her Vacation & Wonders If Canceling The Trip Is Too Harsh

Photo: MART PRODUCTION / Sake Le / Pexels
woman looking upset while sitting on a window ledge, women sitting in the back of a van

After finding out that her daughter was refusing to invite one of her friends on her birthday trip, a mom decided to take matters into her own hands.

Posting to the subreddit "r/AmItheA--hole" (AITA) — a forum where users try to figure out if they were wrong or not in an argument that has been bothering them — she explained that for her daughter's 18th birthday, she booked her a trip with all of her friends.

However, when it came time to confirm with the parents of her daughter's friends, she was shocked to learn that her daughter had failed to invite one of her closest friends.

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She canceled her daughter's vacation after she refused to invite her friend because she's 'too chubby.'

In her Reddit post, she offered some background information, writing that her daughter, Abby, had gained a considerable amount of weight during her preteen and teen years, due to her father, Max.

Soon after Abby was born, her father left, but then came back several years later looking to take responsibility. The court appointed him 50% of custody, and he was responsible for taking care of half of Abby's needs.

"To make up for the 5 years he wasn't there, he spoiled her rotten no matter what I said and I think this is why she gained so much weight in her preteens and teens," she explained.

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Abby eventually lost most of her weight during her weight loss journey a year ago, and to help, her mother enacted a "milestone-reward system" where she'd buy her a gift for every milestone she hit.

"Four months ago she asked that I don't get her any more rewards and add it up to her birthday gift. For her gift, she wants a vacation I will [fund] for her and her friends instead of the huge party I had promised for her 18th. I said OK."

While helping her daughter prepare for her vacation, she was shocked to learn that her daughter's friend, Betty, wasn't going. It was especially odd, considering she knew Betty enjoyed traveling and had been looking forward to the vacation.

When she asked her daughter what happened, Abby responded, saying that she had uninvited Betty because "she is too chubby to look good in pictures."

She calmly told her daughter that Betty would feel left out and hurt by that reasoning, but Abby rebutted that she "didn't work so hard for this vacation" by losing weight, just for her photos to be ruined.

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She told her daughter to apologize to her friend for shaming her weight.

"I insisted Abby should apologize to Betty for body shaming her and reminded her how horrible she felt when people did it to her not even more than a year ago."

On top of that, she also threatened to cancel her daughter's trip if she didn't make it right with Betty, pointing out that while she's happy her daughter is now confident in her skin, it doesn't mean she can bring others down.

Abby immediately stormed off and told her father, who sent an "angry" email to her mother, telling her off for "making decisions" on their daughter's behalf. He also told her that he pays an extra "10%" for all of Abby's needs, and demanded that she not cancel the trip.

"I told him off for enabling her bullying and hung up, then called Abby and reminded her I was not asking her to invite Betty if she doesn't want to but to apologize for how unnecessarily mean and hurtful she was," she continued.

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Abby refused, and instead, tried to get Betty to lie and say that she hadn't been uninvited but had chosen not to go because she was sick. When Betty wouldn't do it, Abby sent a "ton of hateful texts and body shaming insults."

Betty sent all of the texts that she'd received from Abby to her mother, who promptly canceled the vacation altogether, and since the destination had been a popular place with an extensive waiting list, her daughter and her friends were replaced with someone else, preventing Abby's father from rebooking the trip.

While the mother was on the fence about whether or not she did the right thing, experts have expressed that parents taking away things their kids care about when they disobey rules is an effective form of discipline.

"It's very important for parents to make a connection between the behavior and what is being taken away, particularly as a child gets older," Darby Fox, a child, and adolescent family therapist told Romper in 2019.

This mom on Reddit is on the right track but her daughter's cruel treatment towards her friend may be a sign that she still harbors some challenging views toward her own body.

If you or someone you know has an eating disorder, call or text the confidential National Eating Disorders Association Helpline at (800) 931-2237 for support, resources, and treatment options.

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Nia Tipton is a writer living in Brooklyn. She covers pop culture, social justice issues, and trending topics.