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She did the right thing.
By John Sundholm — Written on Jan 15, 2023
A mom is being accused of ruining her daughter's life after canceling the surprise proposal she'd helped her daughter's boyfriend arrange.
Posting in the "r/AmITheA--hole" (AITA) subReddit, a forum where people ask for input into whether they were wrong in a conflict, she described what happened.
In her post, she explained that she has never been fond of her daughter Jaelinn's boyfriend James because he is "short-tempered" and "condescending" toward her daughter, whom she says he "orders around too much."
He is also what the Redditor describes as "radically right-wing."
She agreed to help him surprise her daughter with a proposal—until he made a bigoted request.
James wanted to propose to Jaelinn on Valentine's Day and have his family in attendance, which the future mother-of-the-bride thought was a wonderful idea, so she agreed to host.
But James quickly became very demanding, demanding that mother-of-the-bride not "turn on the television while my parents are here” or “serve store-brand chips or soda for snacks.”
When she protested, he laughed her off, but then kept making other demands.
And then things took an even darker turn.
The Redditor says that James has always had a problem with her other son Devon, who is bisexual.
She writes that he has never said anything "overtly hateful, but his phobias are obvious (rolling his eyes or snickering under his breath when he thinks no one's looking)."
Her future son-in-law also told her that "he isn't against the lifestyle, but he doesn't believe in it."
She finally canceled the proposal when her future son-in-law's asked to make sure her son doesn't "act too gay."
For her, the "proverbial last straw" came when he pulled her aside and demanded, "You will make sure Devon doesn't ‘go off the deep end’ in front of my parents? You know... make sure he doesn't act too gay."
The Redditor writes she "lost my temper, revoked the invitation, and told him to find somewhere else to propose," which sent the house into an "uproar."
But no one was as angry as Jaelinn, who told her mother that James was so offended he broke off their entire relationship altogether and she had "ruined her life."
It got so heated that even her bisexual son Devon told his mother she should have put up with James' comments.
Jaelinn hasn't spoken to her since the incident.
Though responses were mixed, most users agreed that the mother absolutely did the right thing.
One user pointed out that this situation is actually a lot more dramatic than the Redditor might realize.
As they explained, "He's literally telling your daughter that because her brother is bisexual, he doesn't want to marry her. The narrative on this needs to switch around to what it actually is."
Another user agreed, writing, "He’s a bigot and homophobe and wants you to put Devon in the closet so his bigoted and homophobic family is happy. Do you want to support that kind of person?"
Others urged her to get rid of James and try to save Jaelinn from marrying him. One urged her to, "get him out, and then have an examining conversation with your daughter."
Another agreed that, "[Jaelinn] needs to take a very close look at who he is at his core and who she is, and she needs to realise what she will be sacrificing if she stays with him."
And several users thought James sounds very likely to escalate to truly abusive behavior towards Jaelinn once they're out of the mother of the bride's house and on their own.
As one user put it, "You didn't ruin your daughter's life. If anything you saved it."
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice and human interest topics.