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Mom Who Asked Husband For A 'Salary' For Being A Stay-At-Home Mom Sparks Debate

Photo: Iryna Imago/Shutterstock
Mom Ask For A 'Salary' For Being A Stay-At-Home Mom

Stay-at-home moms don’t get nearly enough credit as they should. 

From dealing with the demands of their children to trying to keep the house nice and tidy, it’s a full-time job. 

Now, one stay-at-home mom has taken to Reddit’s “r/AmItheA–hole” (AITA) to ask if she’s in the wrong for wanting to ask her husband for compensation. The Reddit thread is a place where people from across the internet ask for advice on a conflict in their lives.

She wants her husband to pay her a salary for minding the kids.

“My husband and I have been married for 4 years and we have a 1.5-year-old together," she explains.

"He works and I agreed to stay at home since the birth of our son. I was earning only about 1/8 of what he was anyways, so we decided the most sensible arrangement since getting married was that I'd become a homemaker and SAHM [stay-at-home mom] when we had a baby."

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Now she’s been a stay-at-home mom for 3 years and explains that there are a few changes she wants to make but isn’t sure how to bring them up. 

Essentially, her husband has become very frugal about “nonessential spending” because he’s always wanted to be financially independent even when the two met. 

“Well now that I stay at home we have mini fights every time I want to buy anything over $150," she explains.

"This means if I go out to get clothing, makeup, brunch, little treats, etc. and the amount exceeds $150, I would need to call him beforehand and talk about what I'm buying."

“It feels extremely restrictive and quite frankly humiliating," she writes, "He spends so little on himself that it seems like to him that I'm the one spending all the money on myself every month.”

Now she’s wondering if she would be wrong to ask for a ‘salary’ so she could spend it however she sees fit. 

She spoke to her sister who has an agreement with her husband where she gets a couple thousand a month to spend however she chooses.

"Right now she says she gets about $3,500 a month because that's how much it would cost them to hire an outside nanny where they live,” the woman wrote. 

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Many users agreed that she was in the wrong. 

“YTA. I think more than anything that’s too much to ask for. You're basically asking for a stay-at-home nanny’s entire salary as play money. 3.5 k a month for 12 months is over 40k. That’s absurd unless you're very wealthy,” one user wrote, although another was quick to correct them that she specifically mentioned this wasn’t how much she was looking for. 

“YTA. I only feel this way because I think you have a poor attitude,” another user wrote. 

“It sounds like you feel like your husband doesn’t treat you fairly," they continued.

"It sounds like he is smart with his money. In 10 years you will be thankful that he didn’t want you going on shopping sprees and going out to eat.”

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Reddit users are missing the bigger picture. 

While it is important to recognize that any financial decisions are between the couple and nobody else, it’s also important to realize how hard stay-at-home moms work. 

It’s easy to discredit these women as "lazy" or "ungrateful" if they want compensation for their work but until you’re in their shoes, you don’t know just how hard it is.

These women lose sleep in order to keep their family together. 

The least they can get is some recognition for their hard work.

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Victoria Soliz is a writer with YourTango who covers news and entertainment content. Her work explores pop culture trends, film and TV, and celebrity news

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