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Man Who 'Contributes More' To Rent Than His Girlfriend Asks If He's Wrong For Wanting Her To Do Most Of The Chores

Photo: Tima Miroshnichenko / Pexels / G-Stock Studio / Shutterstock
woman cleaning countertop, man relaxing in chair

A man is being ridiculed after revealing that his girlfriend does most of the cleaning around their house since he makes more money than her and contributes more toward their bills.

Posting to the subreddit "r/AmItheA--hole" (AITA) — a forum where users try to figure out if they were wrong or not in an argument that has been bothering them — he explained that he and his girlfriend have been living together for the past eight months.

While things have been going smoothly, she recently brought up an issue she has with her being the only one picking up the slack around their house.

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He says his girlfriend does most of the household chores since he contributes more toward their rent.

In his Reddit post, the man wrote that he works at a very "prominent company" and makes more than his girlfriend does. When they moved, she ended up leaving her former job because of the "toxic work environment," and ended up being employed elsewhere.

"She hated her job and ended up getting a new one that pays a lot less than her old one, and has asked me to take on the responsibility of paying most of the rent," he shared, adding that he pays 60% of the rent while she pays 40%.

Since moving in together, his girlfriend has taken up most of the chores, and while he contributes sometimes by doing the dishes and laundry, though she'll fold all of the clothes, she's the main person cleaning at the end of the day.

"She is the only one who cleans the bathroom, the kitchen, and the only one who sweeps, mops, and vacuums along with other random chores here and there."

He explained that recently, she asked him if he could vacuum the living room, but he told her he didn't know where the vacuum was. Since that conversation, she has been pointing out that he needs to contribute more toward the chores.

According to a 2020 Gallup Poll, more than 3,000 American heterosexual couples found that women handle the majority of the domestic workload, including doing the laundry, cleaning, and cooking. 

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He argued that since he pays more for their bills, he shouldn't be responsible for the chores.

He admitted that since he makes more money and therefore has a larger percentage of the rent to pay, he shouldn't bear the responsibility of keeping their apartment clean. However, since talking to his girlfriend, he's started to do more of the dishes, doing them once a week instead of once every other week. 

"She now leaves cleaning tasks for me to do without telling me about them and then gets upset when they aren’t done. If she just asked me to clean those parts of the apartment then I would."

In an interview with NBC News, Dr. Heather Z. Lyons, a licensed psychologist, couples counselor, and the owner of the Baltimore Therapy Group, explained that couples arguing about housework, aren't actually arguing about housework.

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"Through housework, we communicate levels of importance in the relationship, we show our partners that we recognize them, uphold or challenge gender roles and connect," Lyons said.

He explained that his girlfriend will get upset with him about the things that need to get done and will end up doing them herself since she feels she shouldn't have to say what needs to be cleaned for him to do it.

"I’m also tired from working when I get home and I just want to relax or finish my work. She works the same amount of hours as me, but her job is much less demanding than mine so she is less drained by the end of the day."

He acknowledged that he doesn't think he's in the wrong for expecting her to contribute more when it comes to cleaning since he does it on the financial side.

Most Reddit users who commented on his post disagreed with his opinion.

"She is looking for help. Literally. That's it. Maybe the amount of cleaning she has done over the past 8 months has her BURNT OUT," one Reddit user wrote.

Another user added, "She works the same amount of hours as you, just because you pay more doesn’t mean you get to dip out of physically contributing to the upkeep or cleanliness of the home."

"If you think paying a bit more rent means that she has to do all the housework, this relationship will not last," a third user chimed in.

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Nia Tipton is a writer living in Brooklyn. She covers pop culture, social justice issues, and trending topics.