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Man Asks 19-Year-Old Stepson To Stop Wearing 'Revealing & Tight' Clothing In His House But His Wife Won't Back Him Up

Photo: Lany-Jade Mondou / Pexels
Man wearing a colorful top and posing in front of a wall

A man wrote into the subreddit "r/AmItheA-–hole" (AITA) regarding his distaste for his stepson’s fashion choices.

Curious about whether or not he was in the wrong for making a request of his stepson, he asked the people of Reddit for their opinions.

He wondered if he was wrong to ask his stepson to stop wearing ‘crop tops’ and ‘tight’ shorts.

The 38-year-old man explained that he’s been married to his 37-year-old wife, Alice, for 7 years.

They have a set of 6-month-old twins, and they’re a “very happy family.”

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He then stated that his wife also has a son, Luke, who’s 19.

Luke “got an athletic college scholarship but he dropped out and he’s currently pursuing a ‘career’ as a musician in another city,” and stays with them over holidays and vacations.

He went on to say that he’s asked Luke to stop wearing ‘revealing clothes in front of his family.’

“When I say revealing clothes I mean that he wears thigh shorts, so tight you can see his boxers, crop tops, women’s blouses… it’s very distracting,” he said.

The man offered up an example of Luke dressing in a revealing manner, noting a time when he was “wearing a skirt while watching TV in our living room.”

The man said that he “gave him a disapproving look and all he said to me was ‘man you know we’re Irish, don’t you?’ Which is a crazy thing to say, and I think kilts are from Scotland anyway, but that’s not the point.”

“In another instance, he would sit for dinner with a pearl necklace, eyeshadow, and a fur coat” when the man’s mother and sisters visited for Christmas.

The man explained that his side of the family “agreed that it was odd to have a guy dressing like that around the house. Especially in front of so many women.”

After that fateful Christmas dinner, the man “voiced [his] concerns,” to which Luke responded “Okay sir! Yes sir! copy that sir,” which the man interpreted as a mocking tone. 

“I must admit I got angry and I yelled at him,” he stated. “I went to vent out my frustration with my wife.”

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But his wife didn’t back him up “even when I raised my concerns about our boys seeing [their] older brother acting a fool.”

The man then explained that he checked his wife’s phone and read through text messages between her and Luke.

“Luke texted her something like ‘Not your husband body shaming me’… and my wife replied ‘Follow the dresscode young man or you’ll be executed at midnight I don’t make the rules babe I’m sorry.’”

“I got so mad I gave both of them the silent treatment for the rest of the holidays,” the man stated.

Alice attempted to explain her son’s fashion choices, “by saying that he’s not wearing anything around the house he wouldn’t be wearing in public,” and that their twin boys “would be seeing that ‘style’ sooner or later whether we liked it or not.” 

“She was condescending, like she was talking to an angry old man from another century,” the man said.

He defended himself by saying “I don’t feel like I was asking something unreasonable.”

“I felt they were bullying me for expressing a reasonable concern about what my twins and my family are seeing in their own home. Our home. My home. And at the end of the day, it is my house, my rules too.”

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He asked Reddit if he was wrong for admonishing his stepson for his avant-garde fashion choices.

He was unanimously voted the a-–hole.

As one commenter succinctly explained, “your problem is not that it's ‘revealing,’ but that it's gender non-conforming.”

“Whether his shirt is a ‘women's’ blouse is irrelevant, and a fur coat is definitely not revealing,” explained another user.

“You’re the a–hole for being stuck up about gendered clothing,” said someone else.

“Weren’t crop tops for men a big thing in the 80s? Why is it an issue in 2023?” The same user asked.

Another user answered that exact question, noting that “men in the 80's wore tight short shorts and crop tops with their knee-high socks. With long hair.” 

“He’s projecting his own fragile masculinity,” another user noted of the original poster.

“The misogyny and gender rigidity is really the biggest problem,” said another user. 

That user went on to say that “making your wife's son feel unwelcome in her home over something as unimportant as clothing is a real exercise in not caring about the feelings of the people you are supposed to love.”

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Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers celebrity gossip, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.