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His wife wasn’t happy with his response.
By Zayda Slabbekoorn — Written on Nov 19, 2022
A 36-year-old father shared on Reddit’s "r/AmItheA--hole" (AITA) subreddit that his 10-year-old son Jake has always been a “pretty…flamboyant kid."
Unsurprisingly, he’d been experimenting with clothes and makeup from his sister, of course sparking arguments between the two.
AITA is a thread on Reddit for people to share their stories in hopes of feedback on whether they’re the “A-–hole” or not.
Rebecca, Jake's 14-year-old sister, was furious that her makeup had been mixed up and messy from her brother’s experimentation.
“Lately, Rebecca has come to me and her Mom complaining that her makeup is all messed up and her clothes are missing," he began the post. "I didn’t really have to be a detective to work out who had messed around with them.”
Stepping in to mediate their argument, he turned to his son for answers.
Jake admitted to sneaking into his sister’s room to occasionally try on her clothes and test her makeup.
With her closet jumbled and makeup everywhere, he felt he needed to tell Jake that “Rebecca’s clothes and particularly her makeup are not for him to use.”
Disappointed and angry, his wife felt he was 'bordering on being homo/transphobic for trying to stop his son’s behavior.
“I will admit I don’t like my son wearing makeup and dresses, but that’s not the point. I wouldn’t admit that to him or anyone,” he shared.
Annoyed by her accusations, he tells his wife that was not his objective.
Rather, he wanted his son to understand his sister’s boundaries for her things.
“The point is he shouldn’t be going into his sister’s room and taking her stuff,” he continues, “especially not without her permission.”
Instead of sneaking into his sister’s room, he assures his wife that he is welcome to buy his own dresses or makeup with his own allowance.
Still upset, his wife told him, 'I wouldn’t be saying that if Jake was a girl.'
She says, “sisters share,” but holding Jake accountable for doing so is setting an unfair double standard for their kids.
Confessing to the Reddit thread, he shares that he truly believes he’s right in “respecting my daughter’s boundaries," and asks again, “AITA?”
Rather than just flatly answering his question, the comments are flooded with helpful and encouraging comments about how to maintain a healthy environment for Jake to experiment.
"If you want to compromise, get your son a make-up set of his own, perhaps some clothes that he prefers to wear," one user commented. "If it makes your son happy to wear a dress or a skirt and use some mascara, it isn't hurting anyone."
In a recent edit to the post, he shared his thankfulness for the user’s suggestions.
“I particularly like the idea of taking Jake thrifting so he can pick some cheap outfits while he’s experimenting,” he responded to a user.
Other users suggest being considerate in their conversations with Jake — making sure to assure him of the boundaries between his and his sister’s space and not his gender and his experimentation.
In a lighthearted manner, he ends his post with, “Though I imagine that means I’ll have to buy Rebecca stuff, too, so that the fairness cuts both ways…d--n, kids are expensive haha!”
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a news and entertainment writer at YourTango. They cover topics ranging from pop culture analysis to human interest stories. They are currently based in East Lansing, MI. Catch up with them on their Instagram or TikTok.