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Groom Wonders If He's Wrong For Telling Best Friend To 'Man Up' Or Else He Can't Come To His Wedding

Photo: Jacob Lund / Shutterstock
Groom and best man

Best friends are the best part of life. They experience all of life’s best moments with you — birthdays, celebrations, and graduations. 

Unfortunately for some, weddings are the exception. 

A 31-year-old man, engaged to be married, took to the AITA thread on Reddit to get readers’ opinions on whether or not he was an “A–hole” for uninviting his best friend to his upcoming wedding.  

The AITA, or r/AmITheA–hole, is a forum where users can tell a story in hopes of getting feedback on whether they’re the ‘A—hole’ or not. 

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When his fiancée voiced her anxiety about his best friend’s ‘flamboyancy’ at their wedding, he decided to revoke his invitation. 

The user begins his story by introducing his 30-year-old male best friend, Taylor, who had been in his life “since forever.” 

“We were school buddies, college friends, my parents love him, and we’ve vacationed together many times,” he mentions, “Taylor is a very affectionate person, kind, thoughtful guy.” 

Three years prior, he says that he met the love of his life, Anne – the two quickly fell in love and recently made plans to get married. 

When wedding planning started and invites were being written, he could tell that his soon-to-be wife was anxious about something. 

Finally asking her about it, the two had a “long and thoughtful” conversation — but it ended with Anne’s concerns about his best friend. 

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His fiancée never had major issues with Taylor, but suddenly she felt like he’d ruin their wedding. 

During their discussion about whether or not to invite his best friend, his fiancée presented two main reasons for wanting him to stay away. 

“1. Dress code: Taylor is a 30-year-old punk. He wore a dress to our prom…2. Taylor is dating a guy. Which is NOT the problem. But, his partner is also very flamboyant.” 

His best friend’s spunky personality was exactly the problem for his fiancée, who had her sights set on a “very minimalist, quiet, and calm wedding.” 

After being with her for three years, he felt like he knew the roots of his fiancée’s request – he truly was not under the assumption that she was being malicious. 

“She struggles with anxiety and ADHD. So, that was her request.” 

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With Anne’s concerns in mind, he met with his best friend — pleading with him to follow the dress code. 

“I told him he needed to promise me that he’d respect the dress code. Black tuxedo for the guys… that was the code.” 

“Do you think I’m gonna show up in a white dress,” his best friend jokingly remarked. 

Suddenly feeling like his best friend was making fun of his fiancée, he admitted that he “got a little caught in the moment.”

“I was harsher than I should’ve been,” he wrote, “I told him to ‘man up’ and ‘act his age’. I said some stupid stuff like ‘people laugh about you, you want to be a joke?’” 

After the two quietly stared at each other for a moment, Taylor responded plainly, “Sure, no problem.” 

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The next day, when he and his fiancée sent over the wedding invite to his best friend – it was declined. 

Feeling like this was the beginning of a fight, he immediately texted Taylor. 

“He keeps telling me “we’re good” and everything is okay, but the situation is bothering me.” 

With a disappointed family that loves Taylor and a devoted group of friends angry that he won’t be at the wedding, he admits that he feels guilty. 

A difficult situation overall, he implies that he feels caught up in the demands of his fiancée over his other personal relationships. 

“I love Tay, but I know he can be difficult. My group chat with my family is burning because they don’t understand why he will not be there, and our friends’ group chat is dead since the news dropped.” 

Ultimately, he asks, “AITA?” 

“This could have been a really easy, “Hey, it’s important to my fiancée that everyone respects the dress code.”,” one commenter suggests, “Telling him to ‘man up” and “act his age” is beyond rude and mean. It’s cruel.” 

Some suggest that the real reason behind his wife’s concerns is not anxiety at all, “I also love the fiancée’s reasoning, “Hey, my ADHD makes me homophobic.” 

“I hope all their mutual friends show up in the loudest, most outlandish outfits they can manage,” another commenter jokes. 

Whether or not they disagree with how he handled things with his best friend, or maybe think his fiancée’s motivations are much different than he portrays — it’s clear they think this user is the “A–hole”. 

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Zayda Slabbekoorn is a news and entertainment writer who focuses on pop culture analysis and human interest stories. Catch up with them on Instagram or TikTok. 

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