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"I've tried to change my sleep style and I just can't."
By Megan Quinn
Last updated on Mar 14, 2024
Weddings are a significant milestone in one’s life and more often than not involve the entire family, who the bride and groom expect to RSVP 'yes' and be there in support.
Of course, things happen, and emergencies, financial or other planning issues can sometimes mean certain family member can't make it to the wedding. But one bride was shocked to find out her own sister would not be attending her wedding due to conflicts with her sleep schedule.
The woman shared that she RSVP’d 'no' to her sister’s wedding because it would interfere with her sleep schedule.
Posting her story to Reddit, the woman shared that her sister, Hanna, was no longer speaking to her after she RSVP’d "no" to her upcoming wedding. To provide context into exactly how her sleep schedule warranted not attending her sister's wedding, the woman explained that she's suffered from insomnia for years.
"I usually go to bed around 6 am, or 7 am, and wake up around 1 pm, or 2 pm," she explained, noting that "I've tried to change my sleep style and I just can't, it's like dealing with international jet lag."
The woman said that when she received Hanna’s wedding invitation in the mail, she was "super excited" for her. However, when she saw the timeline for the day's events, her attitude changed.
"There's a wedding brunch at 10 am, the ceremony is at noon, and then there's an afternoon party," the woman wrote. "I asked Hanna if I could just come to the afternoon party (since I will be sleeping at 10 am) and she got furious and started yelling over the phone about how since I'm her sister, I need to be there for the ceremony."
The woman argued that there was "no way" she would be able to make it to the wedding, and compared her sister expecting her to be at her wedding was like "trying to get someone on a 9-5 work schedule to attend an event at 2 am."
"If she wanted me to be there for the whole thing, she needed to plan for a time when I could actually attend," the woman wrote.
While dealing with insomnia is frustrating, a wedding is a once-in-a-lifetime event that many people agreed is worth losing sleep over.
Etiquette experts agree that there are a few reasons choosing not to attend a wedding, especially that of a family member or close friend, is acceptable — but sleep is not one of them. The bride and groom spend a lot of time and money crafting a day perfect for them, whether that be a sunrise wedding that even those with regular sleep schedules might have difficulty attending or a reception that goes late into the night. As people noted in the comments, it would be foolish to expect someone to craft their wedding around your own preferences.
"You’re wrong for expecting events to be planned around you, and for not caring enough about her wedding to consider talking to a doctor for help," one user pointed out.
"Even if I'm super tired, sleepy, and wish I weren't there. I get coffee and tough it out and then catch up on sleep afterward," another person added. "You need to put aside your comfort for important life events - you'll regret it otherwise.
Other users suggested methods for the woman to improve her sleep schedule, but most agreed that it was up to her to find some way to attend her sister's day.
"I’ve always had this same issue and I recognise that it’s my problem, not anyone else’s," someone wrote. "If I can’t make it to things that’s my lookout, but important events like weddings I always adjust for."
The woman followed up with her original post to share that she would apologize to her sister and deal with her sleep issues for one day to be there for her.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.