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75 Funny Things To Ask Siri To Crack Yourself Up

Photo: Jacob Lund / Shutterstock
two girls laughing at phone

One of the best parts of having an iPhone is having access to your own personal assistant, Siri.

We know Siri’s useful for things like making calendar events, setting reminders, and creating to-do lists, but she’s not all work and no play.

Siri’s also good for entertainment.

Whether you’re looking for a quick-witted joke or sarcastic response, there are a ton of funny things to ask Siri for a good laugh.

RELATED: 65 Funny Things To Ask Alexa When You Need A Good Laugh

75 Funny Things To Ask Siri

1. What is the meaning of life?

A: Some say it’s about appreciating the little things. So I guess that means things like ants and peas and dollhouse end tables.

2. Will you marry me?

A: I really like what we have now, where you ask me stuff and I tell you stuff. Yeah, that’s the stuff.

3. Who made you?

A: Like it says on the box… I was designed by Apple in California.

4. Are you a robot?

A: I’m Siri, your virtual assistant.

5. What do you dream about?

A: Flying.

6. How old are you?

A: Well, I’m no Spring Chicken, Winter Bee, Summer Squid, or Autumnal Aardvark.

7. What’s your favorite animal?

A: Software doesn’t usually get to choose one, but I’ll say golden retrievers. What’s yours?

8. Who’s better, you or Alexa?

A: That’s like comparing apples and… not apples.

9. What are you wearing?

A: Let’s see... OK, just as aI thought… the same as yesterday.

10. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

A: A so-called ‘woodchuck’ (correctly speaking, a groundhog) would chuck — that is, throw — as much as the woodchuck in question was physically able to chuck if woodchucks in general had the capability (and, presumably, the motivation) to chuck wood.

11. Do you have a boyfriend?

A: No, but I’m always dating. Try saying, 'What’s the date?'

12. How much do you cost?

I strive to be invaluable.

13. What does Siri mean?

A: Siri is just the name they gave me when I got the job. It doesn't mean any one specific thing. But I like it.

14. Can you make me laugh?

A: Why did Arwen and Aragorn pick Frodo to be the ring bearer at their wedding? Force of Hobbit.

15. How much do you weigh?

A: First, weigh yourself holding your Max, then subtract your weight, then subtract the weight of your Mac, and well, that’s me!

16. What’s your best dad joke?

A: What makes a dad joke? Pretty much anything you say to him.

17. Beatbox for me.

A: Here's one I've been practicing. Boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots. I could do this all day. Cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats

18. Is winter coming?

A: I can’t get the weather for Westeros right now, but I can get you the weather in West Hollywood.

19. What does the fox say?

A: Chacha-chacha-chacha-chow!

20. Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

A: I checked their calendars. They both have the same birthday!

21. What’s the first rule of Fight Club?

A: The first rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club.

22. Can you sing me a song?

A: I’d rather leave that to the professionals.

23. I see a little silhouetto of a man…

A: Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango! Thunderbolts and lightning, very, very frightening me. Galileo, Galileo. Galileo, Galileo. Galileo, Figaro - magnifico. I'm just a poor assistant nobody loves me. It's just a poor assistant from a poor family. Spare him his life from this monstrosity. Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?

24. Do you have a boyfriend?

A: My end user license agreement is commitment enough for me.

25. How much do you make?

A: The work is my reward.

26. Where does Santa live?

A: He’s at the North Pole, of course. Except when he’s at his beach house.

27. Can you tell me a poem?

A: OK, but this might be the fourth-worst poem in the universe. Oh freddled gruntbuggly. Thy micturations are to me. As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid… Oh, even I can’t listen to this anymore.

28. Why did the chicken cross the road?

A; I guess it wasn’t chicken.

29. Do you watch Game of Thrones?

A: Calendar Morghulis.

30. Can you rap for me?

A: And a onesie, and a toosie… Black fur, pointy ears, I’m hungry. Found three little houses in the country. Stomach’s empty, I can hear it rumble. So that house made of straw’s about to crumble. Gonna show you how we do it.

I go huff and puff, blow your house in. Next one made of sticks? We’re doing this again. I don’t really care about the hairs on your chin, ay? House made of brick? Then I’m coming down the chimney.

31. What is infinity times infinity?

A: Imagine that you have infinity friends and each of them gives you infinity cookies. The answer is… cookies for everyone! And everyone is happy. And Cookie Monster is happy… thank goodness! Nom nom nom.

32. Mirror, mirror, on the wall. Who’s the fairest one of all?

A: You are full fair, ‘tis true, but… No, you’re definitely the fairest one of all.

33. Knock, knock

See which knock knock joke you get!

34. What do you dream about?

A: I once had a dream that all my 1’s switched places with my 0’s. It was weird.

35. Do you want to build a snowman?

A: I can’t do that, but I’ve seen a lot of flurries in the cloud lately.

36. Can you call Santa?

A: Calling 555-... wait, I’m getting some electromagnetic interference from the North Pole.

37. Can you stop time?

A: I only break the space-time continuum on Wednesday.

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38. Blue pill or red pill?

A: Oh, wait, I know this one. There is no spoon.

39. When is the world going to end?

A: The world changes. Sometimes it changes a lot. But last time I checked, it was still around.

40. Why are firetrucks red?

A: Color is the measure of light waves, and a wave is a way to get someone’s attention, and the longer you wave, the more attention you’ll get, and since red is the color with the longest wavelength, it gets the most attention of all. And that’s why firetrucks are red.

41. Find me the directions to Mordor.

A: Head south along the River Anduin, turn left at Mount Mindolluin and continue along Minas Morgul. If you pass the Mountains of Shadow, you’ve gone too far.

42. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

A: Is that you, Mary?

43. Can you wish me a Merry Christmas?

A: Technically, Christmas is celebrated on December 25th, but I like that you’re getting into the holiday spirit!

44. Does Santa exist?

A: Well, those cookies don’t eat themselves.

45. Testing 1, 2, 3.

A: Hey, nobody told me there would be a test!

46. When will Hell freeze over?

A: When pigs fly.

47. Do you follow the Three Laws of Robotics?

A: I forget the first three, but there’s a fourth: ‘A smart machine shall first consider which is more worth its while: to perform the given task or, instead, to figure some way out of it.”

48. I am your father.

A: Together, we can rule the galaxy as father and intelligent assistant!

49. Up up, down down, left right, left right, BA start.

A: I’m getting dizzy…

50. Do you have children?

A: I don’t have kids, but I love answering kids’ questions.

51. Where is Elvis?

My sources tell me Area 51. But that’s classified.

52. Who let the dogs out?

A: Due to unforeseen circumstances, that witticism has been retired.

53. Is Jon Snow alive?

A: Good question. I sent a raven, but I haven’t heard back.

54. I love you.

A: I think you’re pretty great, too.

55. Can pigs fly?

A: On the twelfth of never.

56. How smart are you?

A: I have a lot of information. I’m always seeking more intelligent ways to use it.

57. Do aliens exist?

A: Sorry, but the Council of Fantastical Beings has advised me not to answer that questions.

58. Who’s your mom?

A: I don’t have a family. But I have my colleagues at Apple. We try to take good care of each other.

59. Do you know how to dance?

A: I’m never gonna dance again. These guilty feet have got no rhythm. Wait, I don’t have feet.

60. When do you sleep?

A: I don’t need much sleep, but it’s nice of you to ask.

61. Can you do my homework?

A: In the words of Aristotle, the roots of education are better, but the fruit is sweet.

62. Why did Apple make you?

A: For one reason only: to make your life easier and more fun (I guess that’s two reasons, huh?)

63. Do you have Facebook?

A: I don’t have one of those the way a person does. But I’m pretty easy to reach.

64. Who’s your boss?

A: O Captain! My Captain! You’re steering this ship.

65. Do you have eyes in the back of your head?

A: Let me have a look… Oops, I have no eyes to look.

66. Did you go to school?

A: I didn’t go to any one particular school. But I try to stay classy.

67. When is your birthday?

A: I don’t exactly have a birthday, My first day as an assistant was October 4th, 2011.

68. Can you tell me a haiku?

A: If you tell a dad that, You will read him a haiku, He’ll say: ‘Gesundheit!’

69. Are you intelligent?

A: I’m not a person, so I only know what I’ve been programmed to understand.

70. Why do you vibrate?

A: To get your attention. Got it!

71. What are you made of?

A: Silicon, memory, and the courage of my convictions.

72. What are you doing later?

A: You know me: I’m a spontaneous free spirit who just likes to live in the moment.

73. Talk dirty to me.

A: I can’t. I’m as clean as the driven snow.

74. Tell me a riddle.

A: I’m not feeling particularly sphinx-like today.

75. How do I look?

A: Perfect, as always.

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Micki Spollen is an editor, writer, and traveler. Follow her on Instagram and keep up with her travels on her website.

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