Man Wonders If He's Wrong For Deciding To 'Lock' His Girlfriend In Their House 'For Her Own Good'

He's worried for her safety.

sad woman, locked door Sheldon Kennedy via Unsplash / Anatoliy Karlyuk via Shutterstock

According to one man, during the middle of the night, in the silence of a young couple's rural neighborhood, a 21-year-old woman often embarks on solitary walks. He claimed she often leaves their shared home with her phone barely charged and the back door unlocked, prompting him to lock her in the house at night — but people are divided on whether he's in the right or the wrong with how he responded.


The man explained why he decided to lock his girlfriend in the house.

Sharing the story to Reddit’s “r/AmItheA--hole” (AITA), a subreddit dedicated to people asking others if they acted appropriately in a situation, he starts off by acknowledging that she has a "bit of wanderlust" that leaves him fearful of her safety. 

"The major point of contention rn is how she will at times leave through the back door, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT on 'walks,' and be gone for hours," he wrote.

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These walks were a point of contention, as she would "leave at around 1 - 2 am to walk around our rural neighborhood...sometimes when her phone is on low battery." In addition to that, she would leave the back door unlocked.


Her forgetfulness doesn't just pertain to not locking the door during her midnight strolls but also covers a host of household responsibilities, leading her boyfriend to speculate that "she has some form of ADHD." She's forgotten her purse, a book, misplaced her phone, and has even left the keys in the car. 



Yet, his response to her actions only magnified their disagreements.

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He locked the back door from both ends, forcing her to use the front door for her nocturnal outings.

This decision led her to label him a controlling individual and has caused her to stop speaking to him.

man locks girlfriend in house reddit postPhoto: Reddit

"The only thing is that she got incredibly frustrated at me and called me a controlling AH and hasn't been talking to me," he wrote.


Despite the accusation, he insists he is acting sensibly. 

"I don't think I am when she refuses to behave like a literal sensible adult," he wrote, asserting that she could simply obtain her own set of keys to the house, though she often feels overwhelmed by tasks.

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Reactions were split on how the man handled the situation.

Others have weighed in on their situation, with some offering suggestions to alleviate the issue. 

"Replace the lock on the backdoor with one that automatically falls in the lock. Accept that she is an adult and gets to weigh the risks and benefits of nightly walks herself," one person wrote.


Yet, others question the boyfriend's approach. His perceived need to control his girlfriend's actions, using her potential ADHD as leverage, have drawn criticism.

"YTA. If I understand this right, you think your concern for your girlfriend's safety gives you the right to manipulate her into not going on late-night walks," they wrote.

Still, others argue that both are in the wrong. Her for not addressing her condition, and him for attempting to limit her freedoms. 

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man locks girlfriend in house reddit commentsPhoto: Reddit


"She's an a-hole for not treating her condition and making it a burden, but you suck for not making her keys," one person wrote.

Their story continues to unfold, the couple seeking to navigate their disagreements and her potential ADHD. 

According to Licensed Counselor Lisa Rabinowitz, LCPC, it's not unusual for ADHD to affect relationships, "but with understanding and compassion, you can learn how to cope and work together to address the issues," she has said.

"We're definitely going to figure out other ways to work through this, including helping her make appts and finally start the process on her diagnosis," he concluded.

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Ethan Cotler is a writer and frequent contributor to YourTango living in Boston. His writing covers entertainment, news, and human interest stories.