Seriously Toxic Bosses Tend To Say These 11 Phrases Way Too Often
MAYA LAB | Shutterstock Pretty much everyone has to work, and those of us who have a boss know the impact a toxic boss can have on a work environment, especially when they say inappropriate or undermining things. According to a Pew Research Center study on resignations, a bad boss is one of biggest motivators for employees to leave a job.
With widespread awareness of what it takes to be a great boss and the serious negative effects of worker turnover, it's a surprise to learn how many toxic bosses are out there. These phrases are a clue that your boss isn't looking out for their employees.
Seriously toxic bosses tend to say these 11 phrases way too often
1. ‘We’ve never done it that way’
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Toxic bosses often say, "we've never done it that way" when an employee offers an alternate approach. Not only is this discouraging, it also limits the potential growth of your business or product.
In contrast, great bosses invite new ideas and "this is how we've always done it" isn't used to stop progress. A report on social change in the workplace from the Stanford Social Innovation Review outlines three types of successful bosses who open themselves up to the benefits of change at work: agitators, innovators, and orchestrators.
While agitators and orchestrators focus on sharing team ideas, problem-solving issues, and bringing new plans to fruition, innovators link creativity with practicality across their teams. When a lousy boss is closed off to innovative new ideas, they’re not just failing to support their employees but closing themselves off to new success, ideas, and a more fulfilling workplace culture.
2. ‘Just figure it out’
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When an employee is struggling with a problem, toxic bosses will say "just figure it out!" in an exasperated tone. While it's important for an employee to find ways to solve problems on their own, saying something like this isn't helpful or instructive. In fact, it can undermine someone's confidence.
Collaboration at work is fundamental for a healthy workplace culture. Leaders should craft clear expectations and regulations that support their teams and give workers peace of mind, regardless of the task or the complexity of a project.
Your workplace can be a space for individual productivity and success, but that doesn’t mean leadership isn’t still responsible for supporting their teams.
3. ‘I don’t pay you to think’
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Leaving your creativity, connection, and humanness at the door when you arrive at work harms not only your productivity but also your mental health and identity in the office. Any employer or manager who wants you to do this, is a seriously toxic boss.
Even a boss who wants employees to follow their instructions to the letter should value employees who think things through. When a boss urges employees to set aside their uniqueness and complex thinking, they’re quietly hoping that you’ll blindly follow their manipulative orders and misguided regulations.
A report in the Harvard Business Review explains, "Without trust, organizational psychologist Liane Davey says it’s hard to have the two key ingredients for any healthy team: effective communication and productive conflict."
4. ‘We are a family here’
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As well-intended as it may be, saying "we are a family here" shows that a boss might be pretty toxic. Why? Because this statement either ignores the reality that this is a workplace that should function like one or sets unrealistic expectations.
While many reach for the concept of family to feel security, connection, or camaraderie at work, the general toxicity and manipulation that a “family dynamic” can spark in the workplace does much more harm than good. From office husbands to grandfathered-in managers, the pitfalls of a family culture often manifest in unhealthy, competitive, and manipulative ways.
A bad boss who exerts this kind of dynamic on their teams often yearns to overstep into their personal lives, hoping they’ll put in longer hours or sacrifice their well-being for productivity in the name of community.
5. ‘Keep your salary information private’
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Younger generations of workers are trailblazing new governmental regulations protecting employees' right to pay transparency in the workplace. While studies like “Pay Transparency: Why It Is Important To Be Thoughtful and Strategic” argue that these regulations can promote managerial trust and reduce employee turnover, they also have the potential to spark confusion and concern.
Even with the occasional negative outcome, bosses don’t have the power to restrict your access to pay transparency and compensation information at your company. Seriously toxic bosses may try, though.
You deserve to advocate for fair compensation, even if that means urging HR to send compensation reports or asking your co-workers about their salary information. Especially when it’s often used as a manipulation tactic, don’t let a lousy boss sway you from accessing your right-to-understand information.
6. ‘I’m not feeling well, but I’ll power through’
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Going to work while sick is a problematic trend, one toxic bosses not only encourage (subtly) but are proud of doing so themselves. Not only does this risk burnout and exhaustion, it can spread illness and reduce productivity overall.
Employment studies from the Journal of Occupational and Organizational Psychology argue that “presenteeism,” the act of attending work while sick, takes two primary forms: voluntary presenteeism and involuntary. When workers voluntarily show up to work sick, like a boss, they show higher levels of work engagement, while involuntary workers tend to exhibit the opposite pattern.
While a boss who frequently comes to work sick on their own accord might be more productive, that same pattern can’t be used to explain an employee on their team who’s forced to refuse sick leave. You’re entitled to your sick leave, PTO, and vacation time, even when you have a fragile and overbearing boss.
7. ‘You’re being too sensitive’
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Toxic bosses are likely the last people who will recognize when they make a mistake or are being harsh. That's why you'll often hear them say something like, "You're being too sensitive." They cannot imagine that something is actually a problem, so they have to put the responsibility on you.
Experts, like the authors of Rehumanizing the Workplace: Future-Proofing Your Organization While Restoring Hope argue that our modern world, riddled with insecurity and chaos, has urged individuals and employees to operate from a place of self-preservation and scarcity, forcing them to put their humanness aside.
Workplace studies from Gallup argue that employees want to be recognized and “known” for what makes them unique. You deserve to advocate for yourself, in the truest sense of your workplace identity, without feeling burdened by a bad boss’s misguided view of humanness.
8. ‘We need to do more with less’
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Few things are more offensive to say to an employee than, "We need to do more with less." Still, toxic bosses continue to say these words year after year, despite the fact that it tells people they're going to have more work for the same (or even less) pay. Often, the boss makes more money, so saying this to others is downright offensive.
Many ineffective leaders who fail to advocate for their team’s needs and security will offload their responsibilities and burdens onto their employees. This is the opposite of advocating for healthy support, reasonable workloads, and timelines that make sense for their teams, which are key to being a great boss and running an effective team.
Bad bosses expect their employees to “pick up the slack,” work longer hours, and sacrifice their personal time for the company’s betterment when they should be better at guiding the ship.
9. ‘This sounds like a you problem’
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If you've had a toxic boss say to you, "This sounds like a you problem," you know how shocking it can be. Sure, some things are our own problems, but if a boss truly thinks it's your problem to solve, they'll find a constructive way to say it.
Often, this comes up when an employee explains that they don't have enough time outside of work to go to doctor's appointments, care for their kids or get adequate sleep. The boss may dismiss this because they, themselves, have no concept of healthy work-life balance.
A study published in the Cambridge University Press argues that a manager’s ability to successfully detach from work during non-working hours can help to promote healthier psychological well-being and work-life balance in their teams. However, a boss who’s detached at work is only harming general morale.
If your boss is flooding your inbox with emails, failing to support your struggles, and leaving you isolated when your workload gets heavy, they’re detached from their true leadership role. If you’re struggling at work, it’s an issue that your boss should be navigating alongside you, not in competition with you.
10. ‘I’m here working while you’re on vacation’
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Great bosses prioritize their team’s work-life balance, genuinely understanding that employees can’t show up at their best if they’re not given the freedom to enjoy their personal time. Seriously toxic bosses don't actually want their employees to take their time off, even if it's allowed, or to care for themselves.
According to Mental Health First Aid, an advocacy group, "On average, 55% of Americans do not use all their paid time off. And more than half (52%) of employees with paid leave have worked during their time off."
Toxic bosses love it when employees don't use their vacation and may guilt-trip you when you do, despite your legal right to do so. This is short-sighted, as taking a vacation is shown to benefit your well-being on a personal level as well as on a professional level. Research has determined that leave benefits actually attract and help retain valuable talented employees.
Employees who set boundaries and refuse to accept pressure like this condescending phrase will perform better and protect their sanity in the long run. That is, of course, if their toxic boss will stop guilt-tripping them and leave them alone.
11. ‘That’s just a part of the job’
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Pretty much ever job has cruddy aspects, the parts you don't love doing. But a toxic boss will dismiss extremely stressful, inefficient and punishing parts of your responsibilities as "just part of the job" instead of examining whether there's a better way to do things that results in less employee suffering.
If you’re overly stressed, worried about picking up other people’s slack, or have a workload that’s far too large, confusing, or overwhelming to manage alone, don’t let your manager gaslight you into thinking it’s something you signed up for. Objectively looking back and determining whether this was part of your job description can help you discuss unsustainable aspects of your assignments.
A great boss's main priority should be working and making sure others have the clearest path to productivity possible. If that means supporting employees and helping to manage their team’s stress, that’s what they should be focused on doing.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a News & Entertainment Writer at YourTango who focuses on health & wellness, social policy, and human interest stories.
