Why Our Relationship Is Like Playing With Fire

Photo: Andrey_Popov / Shutterstock
woman and man standing apart

By Kristen Buccigrossi

We are playing with fire every time we speak. Every time we take it further, we are lighting the flame all over again.

The history is there. The spark is still alive. The fire is burning within us, but we don’t let it fully ignite. Are we just arsonists trying to burn down our own hearts or are we just lost in the beauty of the flame?

It is in the moments that we catch ourselves that we have to wonder if we are going to make it out of this alive.

We have moved on to different people, to a different time, yet we keep going back to the past. Every time we go back there, we risk the chance of cheating on those we have moved on to, to cheating on our future.

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We are pushing it to the limit every time we reach out. We know how far we can take it before it gets to the breaking point, yet we still try to take it to the next level.

Are we really holding back from letting it become alive again or just waiting to see how long we can endure the pain?

Are we testing the waters of our future or are we testing ourselves to see how far we can handle the past?

Are we ready to try something different that would last or are we falling back into the ashes of our disastrous history?

We are walking a tightrope so close to the edge.

We are always attempting this balancing act of holding each other up, but how much can the rope hold?

How far can we go before we have to turn back? Before we mess up all the good that we have built without us. Before we destroy all the walls that we had built, protecting ourselves from the damage that we had once caused.

Before we let ourselves burn within our own heartbreak. Before we destroy the people that we have become and the ones that we are leaving behind. Before we tell our new flames that old ones can never burn out.

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We are ready to jump off the cliff and into the waters, but the waves of the past are crashing down below us. The waters are rocky, the wind is severe and I can feel your hands losing grip every time we get near.

If we jump, are you going to be there next to me? If we fall, are you going to be there to save me?

If we crash, are you going to be able to withstand the pain through it all? If we risk it all, are you going to rush off with me or stay with the new one that holds your heart?

We are at the edge of the world with nothing left but to risk it all or turn back.

We are at the point where it is all or nothing. We are at the end where all we can decide is if it is here and now or all gone. We are staring right into the eyes of the devil and inviting Him to come and play.

We are risking it all for something that could be gone before we know it, and yet, we are still questioning if it is worth it. We are risking not only two hearts here, but four.

Where will they go if we say yes? What will they do with the grief that we have caused them? What will happen to that brokenness when we leave them behind?

We continue to play with fire knowing that we might not make it out alive.

We continue to jump closer to the edge knowing that we might not come back from this. We continue to push it to the limit to see how much to can handle before we know you are going to cheat.

We know it is wrong, we know we shouldn’t be doing this, we know we could lose it all, yet we keep reverting back to our old ways.

Are the risks that we are taking worth the pain? Are the chances that we are facing worth the gain? Are we ready to break the lives of the other two, just at a chance that we can make it through?

How much longer can we go until we break?

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Kristen Buccigrossi is a writer whose work has been published on Huffington Post, Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, Unwritten, and more. Visit her website for more.

This article was originally published at Unwritten. Reprinted with permission from the author.