How To Be A Good Girlfriend Without Losing Yourself In A Relationship

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How To Be A Good Girlfriend Without Losing Yourself In A Relationship

When you’re in a relationship, it’s easy to get wrapped up in couplehood and forget that part of how to be a good girlfriend lies in not losing yourself in that relationship

Relationships are two people working together for a future and it can only be made possible by both people being there for the other. 

However, the healthiest relationships exist when both people have their own lives outside of each other as well.

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If you’re in a relationship, I challenge you to think of the ways in which you act as a good girlfriend. 

Maybe you do this by calling your partner every night or by surprising him with small gifts and acts of kindness. 

We all want to be enough for our significant others — but that doesn’t mean we don’t get a little lost from time to time. 

Along the way, you might start to put your boyfriend’s needs ahead of your own

I’ll be the first to say that nothing good can come from that. 

Self-care and listening to your own desires are a huge part of being a good girlfriend — you need to take care of you before you can support him. 

Here's how to be a good girlfriend without losing yourself in a relationship. 

1. Support him in his goals — without giving up your own.

Sometimes all a man wants is to feel like he has someone in his corner. It will mean a lot to him if you support him in the decisions he makes and the goals he chases after. 

Not only will this help boost his confidence, but it will show him that you are just as serious about his happiness as he is. Be his biggest cheerleader!

That said, you can (and should!) be your own cheerleader as well.

If you’ve been with your partner long enough, you probably have some serious goals as a couple. But nothing should be more serious than your own personal goals. 

We all have our own timelines and the truth is, yours is different than your boyfriend’s. Keep working towards what you want and making decisions that will benefit your future. 

2. Make time for him — and for yourself.

It’s important to show your boyfriend that he is a priority in your life. Set aside time that works best for both of you to be fully present with him. 

Although it may be tough with a busy schedule, you should make sure that the time you’re spending together is uninterrupted and special. 

Keep in mind it might be hard to put your whole focus on a date with your boyfriend if you aren't making time for yourself too. 

Giving yourself the attention you deserve first is the best way to make sure the time spent with him is special. 

This way you won't feel burned out or have a lack of energy when you're together. 

3. Set boundaries and stick to them.

If you’re like me, you might need some alone time every once in a while and that’s okay! When you set boundaries you are giving yourself the energy needed to be a good girlfriend. 

Take comfort in the fact that your relationship will still continue even when you put yourself first. These boundaries also show the importance of understanding and compromise. 

4. Remind him how much you love him and show him that you love yourself.

We all have different ways of showing love and this is the time to flaunt yours. Whether you express your love through words or physical touch, do it often. 

I think sometimes we neglect to remind our partners how much they mean to us because we think they don’t need to hear it.

But the scoop is in, your boyfriend loves to be loved — as should you! Have you ever heard that you can’t love someone else without loving yourself first? There was never a more true statement. 

You must always first give yourself the love and respect you deserve. Keep in mind that we’re also much better partners when we don’t need their love to fill us up. 

5. Take interest in the things he enjoys and without ditching your own hobbies.

Whatever it is he enjoys, it’s time that you find an appreciation for it. Even if you don’t understand the difference between a fumble and an incomplete, try to follow the game. 

Ask questions as they come up! Your boyfriend will love talking about his interest and getting you as involved as possible. 

Of course, it's important to keep your own hobbies as well.

Entering into a new relationship leads to a shift from ‘me’ to ‘we’ and although this is a fun part of being in a couple, you might feel like you lack your own interests. 

It’s important that you have some things in life just for you. Maybe you’ll decide to binge a show without your partner for once or join a yoga class that only you attend. 

6. Be open about your needs.

Despite popular belief, men aren’t mindreaders. Even though I often fall victim to assuming my boyfriend knows what I’m thinking, he doesn’t. 

That’s why you need to be honest about your desires — whether that’s his approach to supporting and communicating with you or what you do in the bedroom. 

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7. Spend time with his family and invite him to spend time with yours.

Even though we all come from different backgrounds, it’s important to value his upbringing and that means making awkward dinner conversation with his parents. 

It might be a little tough at first, but by making the step to immerse yourself into his family’s culture he can actually see that you fit in. 

Likewise, he should get to know your family and the dynamic you have with them. 

Relationships are all about compromise and the same goes for the amount of time you spend with each other's families. 

Don't neglect to spend time with your own family, because it's just as important that he gets to know yours too! 

8. Go out with your girlfriends.

This doesn’t have to literally mean a party with your girlfriends but it is necessary that you don’t lose sight of your closest friendships. 

It’s okay to spend a night away from your boyfriend, and as a matter of fact, it’s healthy. Enjoy some quality girl time and refresh yourself. 

9. Listen to him.

Listening and communication are some of the keys to a successful relationship. When we try to see our partner’s perspective clearly, we can better handle situations. 

That said, listen to him when he stresses any feelings of sadness, anger, or frustration. Be there for him in whatever way he needs based on what he’s telling you.

10. Give him space.

It’s not fair of us to demand our own space but not freely give it to our partner. So, just like we might need alone time, accept that so does he. 

Be understanding if he says he wants a night out with the guys or just wants to order a pizza for himself. Always let him be free to do what he wants. 

11. Keep things interesting.

As the girlfriend, you might be the one in charge of planning date nights. While I understand firsthand the stress that may cause, it should be a fun way to spice things up. 

When you’re with someone for a long time, the sameness of your relationship may become monotonous so it’s important to keep him (and yourself) on your toes! Always think of new ways to have fun and continue getting to know each other. 

13. Be faithful to him and yourself.

I’d like to think this goes without saying but I’ll say it anyway — being a loyal girlfriend is a great way to be a good girlfriend!

If you love your boyfriend, you should act like it — and if ever it feels like you’re missing out on the fun things of being single maybe you’ve lost yourself in the relationship. 

Always accept your intuition and follow your heart in times of confusion. 

By trusting yourself within this relationship, you will gain the confidence needed to be your best self and the best girlfriend. 

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Isabella Pacinelli is a writer who covers relationship, self-love, spirituality, and entertainment topics.