Couples Who Stay Together Long-Term Know These 9 Difficult Truths About Love By Heart
How, and why, love changes over time.
Capuski | Canva Loving someone requires commitment, not just saying the words "I love you" and bandying around the L word each time you have a free moment. You are committing emotionally, physically, and spiritually to another person.
The two people must work towards common interests in the relationship. It might seem like a tit for tat, but it is not. It must begin from the brain down to the heart, and the actions manifest it all. Research confirms that you must first love yourself to be able to understand what the other person means when they say they love you.
Couples who stay together long-term know these nine difficult truths about love by heart:
1. Relationships are not about good or bad people; they're about people who are right for you
You may go for beauty when searching for a partner, but later, you realize that their character and ways of life do not make them the right person for you. You will find that the other party may not even remain the person they initially were. Individuals change with time.
2. In relationships, the parties should look for the problem in themselves first
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When you feel unhappy with yourself, it’s easy to find where the problem lies. If you blame the other party for what you're feeling, the solution may lie with them, but it's not logical.
It doesn't solve the problem, since you didn't look for the root of the problem. Taking responsibility for the problem gives you the power to create a solution and is an important step while managing your relationship.
3. Trying to be friends with your ex after a breakup never works
A clean breakup is always required. This assures you that most people don’t end up with the person they always thought was the one.
While it's possible to be friends with an ex, it's not always a successful outcome, and it often requires significant effort and understanding from both parties. Studies have shown that friendships between former partners can sometimes be more negative than positive and that lingering romantic desires can hurt the friendship.
4. You won't always agree with your partner’s choices
The thing that matters the most is whether or not you can accept those choices. It's wise to take some time before making decisions.
Instant decision making will certainly give or lead to regrets. Relationships will not always be exciting; there are times of joy and sorrow.
5. There are no truly 50-50 relationships
There will always be one partner who loves the other one more, which is so unfortunate, since the one less involved gets to always call the shots. This makes it possible to fall out of love with someone, which leads to a breakup. It may seem like the end of the world, but life always moves on.
6. The perfect relationship doesn’t exist, no matter how hard you try or how many rules you follow
Your relationship will never be perfect, because perfect doesn't exist. So, you should lower the high expectations of romantic dinners every night or surprises every morning, because this only happens in movies.
The key to maintaining your relationship is just lowering your temper and trying very hard to understand your partner. You will always have something to argue about, but healthy arguments and not unnecessarily ribbing are a way of showing that you are trying to make your relationship work.
7. You have to work for happiness, sometimes for a long time
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Most people want it to come naturally with a great relationship, but happiness is something that you have to work towards. Fight the monotony that is assured to creep in. Forgive some things and take a stand for others, while always working towards happiness.
Research indicates that simply hoping for happiness might not be enough. People need to engage in activities and strategies that actively foster their well-being.
8. Trying to make it work doesn't always work
You may decide to make it work and you're willing to try your best, but unfortunately, it can’t work. Relationships work simultaneously, and both members need to put in equal efforts.
Your intimate life will change as the relationship progresses. The wild passion from before will stop making you go towards a more mature relationship.
9. You will be unhappy at times, and that's completely okay and normal
Romance is good at times, but sometimes, a lack of it is best. At times, just changing into your pajamas and relaxing with your partner can be far better. The hard times can be a hidden blessing, and you notice later that nothing will develop that bond as much as the hard times will.
In a good relationship, you will need to care and show concern for your partner. You need to treat him/her with love, not ambivalence or fickleness. In a true relationship, love requires actions, because at the end of the day, talk is very cheap and love is shown, and that's how you really feel it.
Donna Begg is an expert editor, researcher, and analyst affiliated with Consumer Health Digest, where she works with beauty and health experts.
