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Give him time to get used to the idea of commitment.
By Emily Ratay — Written on Apr 17, 2019
Commitment in relationships is huge. Like, bigger than committing to buying non-refundable concert tickets that cost a fortune. Or even bigger than cutting out that toxic person in your life for good, good – not just temporarily this time.
What I’m trying to say is, there are a lot of scary things in life, but none so much as scary as committing to someone else. I’m not even talking about marriage, either. Being in a lasting, long-term relationship is a big deal.
It’s two people deciding that the other is the one for them, whether that’s a soulmate or just the love of your life, and wanting to be with that person and only that person forever. Now, forever might only actually last for a few months or a few years, but when you’re first pledging to commit exclusively to someone, you’re not thinking that it will end in a few months; you’re committing to a long time.
This is why it can feel so scary and unattainable for us. Some of us can barely commit to what we want to order for lunch or a hair color – although I dig it when people are always sporting a new color every time I see them – so the thought of committing to something as important as a lasting relationship with someone seems impossible.
But why is that? Well, first, being vulnerable is hard. When you commit yourself to a relationship, you’re letting your guard down and letting someone in. Not all of us are prepared to show someone the rawest parts of ourselves, so we choose instead to keep everyone at arm’s length.
Another reason is that commitment means you’re not searching for someone else anymore. And for some of us, settling down with someone and taking ourselves off the dating market means we might be missing out on someone we think is better than who we’re already with or we might feel trapped.
Maybe you even tried committing to someone before and it didn’t work out. That failed relationship itself might feel like it’s looming over your new relationship, and making it harder for you to commit to someone.
All of these things can make commitment feel daunting or scary, but we also need to remember that humans aren’t perfect. Even the most committed relationship is bound to experience hiccups, often while the relationship is still budding and sometimes even after the relationship has been around for a few years.
Relationships are about growth and learning together. Commitment may be hard to imagine right now, but it’s attainable for everyone. Communication, a strong foundation, and friendship are all attributes that can help keep your relationship happy and healthy.
Before writing him off so soon, put yourself in his shoes to understand what he might be going through. Here is why he can’t commit to lasting love, based on his zodiac sign.
ARIES (March 21 - April 19)
Aries is a very passionate soul, and if you snag him early on in your relationship, count yourself lucky. Aries isn’t always such a big fan of getting serious with one person because he feels like he has so much love to give… and wants to share it with whoever is interested.
For that reason, he might not be comfortable committing to love. He’s not trying to offend you with who he is as a person, but he can’t always help sharing the love, as it were. Even if he manages to stay committed for a while, there’s always a chance that he’ll change his mind eventually.
TAURUS (April 20 - May 20)
Taurus can be known for being pretty darn supportive, but he’s also known for being pretty stubborn, too. And the one thing this stubborn bull hates is change – sometimes, even change for the better! Taurus has the ability to love hard, but it takes him forever to get comfortable with something new.
If he can’t commit to lasting love, it’s because these new emotions and a new person in his life who wants to stick around is too much for him. He’s probably feeling overwhelmed and put on the spot right now, at least until he learns how to take baby steps and settle into a new norm.
GEMINI (May 21 - June 20)
Gemini has always been pretty indecisive when it comes to relationships. Sure, he loves meeting new people and dating, but casual dating and hook-ups are more his style than serious relationships are. No problem, to each his own!
The only problem is when he says he’s going to commit to you and then flakes. NOT cool, Gemini. The reason for this? He’s not entirely sure he wants to make it official with you if someone better is out there waiting for him to come along. It’s rude, I know, but that’s Gemini for you.
CANCER (June 21 - July 22)
Cancer is the crab of the zodiac, which means that he has a hard outer shell that protects his tender underbelly. It also means that he isn’t going to open up to just anyone until he knows that he can trust you.
If Cancer is having trouble committing to long-lasting love with you, it could be because he’s not ready to open up to you emotionally just yet. This can still change – don’t worry – but it needs to change on his time, not with you trying to rush him into something he’s not ready for.
LEO (July 23 - August 22)
Leo’s self-confidence is probably his best trait. There are very few other people out there who can be as confident and self-assured as him without making it look cocky or egotistical. Honestly, it’s an art. That said, too much of a good thing can often go bad.
By that, I mean that if Leo can’t commit to you, it could be because he values his confidence in himself too much. Perhaps without even giving it too much thought, Leo might believe that being in love means less independence or time for himself. I guess he’s not interested in compromising and being interdependent, huh?
VIRGO (August 23 - September 22)
Virgo is known for being shy, but don’t let make you think less of him at all. In fact, the shy, thoughtful nature of Virgo is actually one of his best traits! That said, it can make commitment and relationships a little harder, too.
If he can’t commit to love, he might be too shy to tell you how he really feels about you. It’s not so much that he doesn’t want to be with you but more so that he’s not sure how to tell you how he feels. It might make him pull away if he gets frustrated with himself, but be patient and he’ll come around.
LIBRA (September 23 - October 22)
Libra is one of those guys who takes everything to heart – the good, the bad, AND the ugly. While he definitely wants to find a love he can hold onto forever, it’s one of his main goals in life, he can still have just as much trouble committing as the rest of us.
Libra absolutely must make a good first impression when he meets someone new. He believes in being kind, polite, and sociable when it comes to dating, and if he doesn’t get it right on the first try, it bothers him. If he’s having trouble committing to love, it could be because you two got off on the wrong foot when you first met, and he still hasn’t forgiven himself (or you) for that.
SCORPIO (October 23 - November 21)
Scorpio is having trouble committing to love because he can’t tell if you’re really serious about him or not. Scorpio isn’t going to put all of his time and energy into spending time with you if you don’t feel the same about him.
Scorpio might not be obvious or blatant about his feelings for you, but he does show love in his own way. If you’re not feeling any love from him, it could be because there’s too much “Are we? Aren’t we?” and he’s starting to get cold feet. Scorpio needs a yes or a no, not a maybe.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 - December 21)
Sagittarius can seem like such a cool and interesting person when you barely know him, but when it comes to trying to tie him to a monogamous relationship, you end up finding out how frustrating it can be to be with him.
As a general rule, Sagittarius doesn’t like committing to lasting love. It’s just not him. He needs his independence and solitude to really be happy, and being with one person for the rest of his life feels more like a chore than a lifetime of happiness to him. Unfortunately, you can’t change a Sagittarius to think differently.
CAPRICORN (December 22 - January 19)
Capricorn doesn’t mess around when it comes to relationships and love, but while this can be pretty intimidating, it also proves that he has pretty high standards for himself. Rather than just letting anyone have the key to his heart, he wants that person to really earn it.
While we all want standards as high as Capricorn’s, Capricorn should want as much empathy as the rest of us. If he can’t commit to you, it could be because he just doesn’t see it lasting. There’s no empathy or emotion in this decision, but if you can’t meet his high standards, it could be over before it even begins.
AQUARIUS (January 20 - February 18)
Aquarius is one of the most emotionally distant, if not THE most emotionally distant, zodiac signs. This means that anything that is even remotely related to talking about feelings or being honest with his emotions is off the table.
If he’s not committing to love, it’s most likely because he has a hard time talking about how he feels. Whether it’s a good feeling or a bad one, he just doesn’t know how to talk about it with you in a way that doesn’t sound clinical or awkward. Being vulnerable just isn’t his thing.
PISCES (February 19 - March 20)
While it’s true that Pisces can love very hard, especially if he has a deeply soulful connection with someone, he can still be hesitant to commit to lasting love. Pisces is very sensitive to his emotions, so if he’s wary of moving forward with you, it’s a good time for a serious talk.
Pisces is also known for being very hot and cold when it comes to love. He might start out really feeling the relationship, but given time, his feelings for you might start turning cold. It’s nothing against you personally, but if he’s hesitant to commit, it could be because his feelings aren’t as strong as he first thought.
Emily Ratay is a full-time writer living in Pittsburgh. She's passionate about the environment and feminism, and knows that anything is possible in the right pair of shoes. She plans on writing a non-fiction book in the future.