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Have you heard of the love bank account? Every relationship has one whether you realize it or not.
By The Good Men Project — Written on Jan 24, 2019
By Dana Lam and Martin Kupper
When you do something nice for your partner, it’s like making a “deposit” into their Love Bank Account. When something negative happens in the relationship you are making a “withdrawal” from the account.
You get the idea.
It’s the small things we do on a daily basis in a relationship that truly make a difference in strengthening our connection and bond to one another. When you are making deposits every day in the “Love” account, it is almost like having an insurance policy for a fail-proof relationship that stands the tests of time.
Here are a few daily "deposits" you can make to have a healthy relationship.
1. Love daily.
One of our morning rituals is making the bed and sharing coffee together. One of us makes the coffee and the other will make the bed. Sometimes we make the bed together. Small gestures of serving one another make a huge impact on your affinity for one another. Giving cards and handwritten notes is another way to show your love for one another.
2. Celebrate your love often.
We celebrate the anniversary of the day we met every month. We acknowledge the commitment to our relationship in various ways but always on the 14th of every month. Even if we are apart, we will send a note in the mail, flowers, or a small gift recognizing our special day. We usually go out to dinner or have a romantic dinner at home.
3. Speak your partner's love language.
In Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages he shares how we can improve our relationships by discovering our love language and using that to connect to others. Check out the website and take the test with your partner to discover your love languages.
If you are not the same love language, we recommend getting the book to learn how to speak your partners love language fluently. Be sure to do one thing a day that speaks to your partner’s primary love language.
4. Get physical.
Even if your primary love language isn’t physical touch, part of a romantic relationship is getting physical. Being intimate and enjoying sex with your partner connects you emotionally and physically which is imperative for a great relationship.
In fact, there are quite a few studies showing other benefits to having frequent sex: boosting your immune system, lowering blood pressure, great for your heart and improved relaxation. Sex does the body and mind good! Maybe try a 30-day intimacy challenge. It can’t hurt and the payoffs are enormous!
5. Spiritual practice.
We highly recommend having and deepening a spiritual connection with one other so that you continue to grow together. This is something for you to define as a couple based on your spiritual beliefs.
For us, part of our spiritual practice is going to Unity Church that honors all pathways to God or Spirit with an emphasis of inspiring people to live better lives. Marty gave me The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo that is filled with daily messages that he reads to me every morning. Every night we go to sleep listening to mediation from the Stop Breathe Think app (that is free!)
We’ve deepened our spiritual practice in smaller but just as meaningful ways too. This includes smudging our home and ourselves regularly with white sage to clear any negative energy.
We also love Affirmation and Angel Cards. We have numerous sets of them that we’ll randomly choose to pick a card for the day or use it to ask for guidance and clarity in various situations.
6. Greet each other.
When Marty and I first moved in together, we both noticed a difference in how we greeted each other. One day when I returned home he was in the kitchen and I immediately went into my office to work. I didn’t even say hello.
Prior to moving in together that never would have happened. We were always so excited to see one another that we greeted each other with a passionate embrace and kiss. When we said goodbye the same would occur as if we might never see each other again.
So now we are very aware of this and make a conscious effort to give each other a heartfelt welcome and see you later kiss.
What would your relationship look like if you were to implement a few (or all) of these things into your relationship? Do you think your “Love” account would be overflowing with more deposits or depleted from too many withdrawals? We know the former will win out every time and hope your Love Account is vibrant and prosperous!
Dana Lam and Martin Kupper are passionate about helping couples to be the Happiest Couples They Know. For more great resources that can help couples and families, check out their website.
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This article was originally published at Good Men Project. Reprinted with permission from the author.