How To Know When Your Ex Is Flirting With You — And 4 Ways To Keep Things Platonic

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keeping things platonic with an ex who is flirting with you
Heartbreak

Typically, when we picture our ex, it's not necessarily in the best light. We often want to distance ourselves as much as possible, knowing that there was a reason why we broke up with them in the first place. Let's face it, some things are just better left in the past. But this doesn't necessarily mean that our ex feels the same way about this as we do - and sometimes they up flirting with us.


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Often times one of the most difficult parts about dealing with a breakup is achieving that sense of closure and distance that you truly need. The thing is, if your ex is still not over you, chances are they're going to make it VERY hard for you to move on. They'll try to keep in touch, send the occasional "checking in" text, or even ask to casually hangout. 

But, as we all know, that "just friends" thing they're trying so hard to push on you isn't usually their true intention. These are all examples of flirting.

Take it from me, I've made the mistake of attempting to be friends with my ex after a breakup in just about every single relationship I've been in. I've kept tabs on them and their personal life, offered help with whatever they needed, and made plans to hangout as friends. 

This might sound like the perfect breakup, but truthfully it was quite the opposite. It seemed like the more I tried to be their friend, the more they'd think they had another chance at getting back together with me. Every time we talked, they'd find a way to bring up their feelings and our relationship. 


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This is why it is SO important to stand your ground before it gets too late. 

Do you feel like your ex is flirting with you and trying to bring back old feelings? Well, if you follow these four steps, they'll be sure to take the hint without causing too much bad blood. 


1. Don't flirt back.

This might seem like it's a given, but trust me, it's not. After a breakup, we're not always on the same page as our ex. While you know that the relationship is over for good, they might be thinking that they still have another chance with you. This means they're going to take every opportunity they can get to flirt with you.

Because it's done so subtly, it's easy to flirt back, and you might not even notice you're doing it. Sending heart emojis, complimenting them, whatever it is, you're giving them the wrong idea. You might think this behavior is harmless or typical, but you're only making the situation worse for both you and your ex. In order to stop your ex from falling for you again, you need to stop the flirting on your end as well. 


2. Avoid reminiscing on your relationship. 

This is probably the most difficult step for most people. Truthfully we all want a painless breakup, so we try our best to remain friends. Because we all hate drama, right? This means that often times we do keep in touch with our ex, whether it's in person or over the phone. 

It's natural for old feelings to resurface when we're chatting with our ex. We're only human. Inevitably, they're going to bring up old memories and mention the fun times you had together as a couple. It is SO important to shake this off and not to continue the stroll down memory lane. Not only will this be beneficial for their sake, but it will prevent you from rediscovering old feelings that you will definitely regret the next day. 


3. Don't try too hard to stay friends. 

This proves to be my personal downfall time and time again. Every time I go through a breakup, I attempt the friendship thing, thinking it will save me from hurting them or myself. Like I said, it's like we as humans feel like we absolutely have to be friends with our ex in order to have a drama-free breakup. But truthfully, this only make things worse in the long run. 

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It's important to know that you can still be a kind person and want the best for your ex without being best friends with them. Yes, they once were a very important person in your life, but our relationships are constantly changing, and that's okay. The best way to stop the flirting is to walk away from the relationship altogether. 


4. Stand your ground. 

While trying to keep things platonic, your ex gets the idea that they still play as important of a role in your life as they did when you were dating. Inevitably, things are going to begin to feel just like they did while you were dating, but without the romance. This leads to the question of "we're practically dating, why don't we just get back together?". It might feel like the safe or comfortable thing to do, but you broke up for a reason, stick to it. 

If your exes are as stubborn as mine, they're going to try to push this on you until you reach your absolute breaking point. It's definitely easier to give in, but it's not the right thing to do. When dealing with a flirty ex, there comes a point when you have to put your foot down and tell them no. You have to stand your ground if you want to end the relationship for good.  


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Caroline Grossman is a writer who covers pop culture, astrology and trending topics