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The first step? Be yourself.
By Emily Ratay — Written on Apr 28, 2018
If you ask me, the phrase “putting yourself out there” is so vague.
I’m sure that you’ve probably heard this phrase at least once in reference to your dating life. Dating is hard.
It sometimes feels like you have to keep all of these balls in the air to make yourself seem like the perfect catch when it can just as easily come crashing down.
You can only do so much to get someone to be interested in you before it’s in their hands to decide.
And when you’re at the end of your rope and you just don’t know what to do anymore to get people interested, there will inevitably be someone who tells you to just “put yourself out there.”
Now, growing up my dad told me the same thing when it came to looking for jobs and making friends. And let me tell you that there is nothing more uncomfortable than forcing yourself to meet new people and network when you already feel like you’re doing more than enough.
Even when it comes to jobs and friends, you can only do so much work before you have to leave the rest up to the other person. Because if I was in their shoes, I can tell you that I would probably not react kindly to someone aggressively trying to get to know me.
So, what does it really mean to put yourself out there? It seems both impossible and painfully simple to understand, yet we ALL seem to have trouble figuring it out.
Dating obviously comes easier to some people than it does others, but that doesn’t mean those who aren’t great at starting a new relationship are doomed.
It just means that the guidelines have to be a little more defined. When I think of putting myself out there, I think about being myself.
Oh, and don’t get me started on how vague and frustrating it is when someone’s “advice” to you is to “be yourself.”
But really, I think it’s helpful to look at putting yourself out there like that. When you’re being yourself, you are the rawest, most stripped down version of yourself.
You’re not trying to hide behind something you’re not (like a staged personality), you’ve let the past go, and you’re honest about what you want in a relationship.
I think that dating is so much easier when you’re both honest with yourself and with the new people you’re meeting.
Think of it like buying a new cell phone; you know what you’re looking for, you know what kind of features you want your new phone to have, and you know that you don’t want to get the same crappy phone you had last time.
So, why waste your time looking at the same models you know you’re going to regret buying again? The same is true for dating. When you’re totally honest with yourself, you can subconsciously steer yourself towards people who fit your needs.
You won’t waste your time with people who will only make it harder for you to stick to what you’re looking for and you can finally relax when dating because nothing is more stress-free when you’re hanging out with someone who really gets you and is interested in the same things you are.
So, when it comes to putting yourself out there and being yourself and true to the horoscope traits you were born here to manifest.
It might take knowing a little bit more about your zodiac sign before you can confidently date someone new.
When you know what your zodiac sign needs to be happy in a relationship, you can use that as a guide for putting yourself out there and actually knowing what that means.
It might take some time to get used to this new way of dating, but it’s always better to be your authentic self, right? I mean, that’s what people want to see!
So, keep reading to find out how to put yourself out there, based on astrology by zodiac sign.
ARIES (March 21 - April 19)
Aries, the best way for you to put yourself out there is to get your flirt on! You are the kind of person who catches themselves flirting during a conversation for pretty much no reason other than the fact that you’re just being you.
Flirting comes naturally to you, so why not ride that wave?! People definitely respond to your flirtiness, so there’s no reason to give that up. You should also shoot your shot – basically putting yourself out there – if you like someone, even if it doesn’t work out.
You’re a confident and charismatic person, so you’re not usually fazed by someone turning you down. Honestly, it wouldn’t be totally surprised if you walked away with a wink and finger guns in this situation. My point is, be the person everyone knows you to be and you won’t have a problem getting someone to notice you.
TAURUS (April 20 - May 20)
You might not realize it, Taurus, but when you’re genuinely kind, that’s when you’re most attractive to people. You don’t need to put a lot of effort into putting yourself out there, so it’s important to make sure that the face you’re showing to the world is a gentle, welcoming one.
If there’s someone specific that you’re into, doing nice gestures for them like holding doors open or saving them a seat shows that you’re just trying to be nice.
That said, when you start getting confident in yourself, you can get a little TOO confident — bordering on cocky, actually. There’s a difference between putting yourself out there and knowing you can get anyone you wanted with just one look and when you start getting cocky, you’ll lose more admirers than you’ll gain.
Trust me, you catch more flies with honey. Your sweet, grounded attitude is your best bet for getting noticed.
GEMINI (May 21 - June 20)
All you have to do to get someone’s attention, Gemini, is walk right by them – yes, it’s that easy for you. So, putting yourself out there? Not as hard as you think. Of course, you’ve got a lot more going for you than you think, so it’s important not to rely completely on your flirty, charming skills just because you know it works.
You also have a silly side too that deserves recognition. You’re someone who likes to joke with friends and get crazy when you’re out on the town, so why not show that side to the person you’re interested in, too?
You have a dual personality for a reason show off all of your dimensions! Social media might also be a good way for you to meet new people, but it’s not really “putting yourself out there” so keep swiping left and right to a minimum.
CANCER (June 21 - July 22)
Cancer, believe me when I say that your sweet and unassuming personality is attractive. You’re the kind of person who doesn’t seem like a force of nature at first glance, but when that special someone comes along and you really feel like you’ve made a connection, your swoon-worthy sensual side comes out full force.
But just because you do have this hidden side doesn’t mean it’s always easy for you to get out of your head and just put yourself out there. This is the perfect time to practice your confidence in yourself — don’t be shy!
Overthinking the situation is a surefire way to blow it, so just take things slow at first. Make friends with the person you’re interested in first and you’ll feel better about making the next move because you already feel like there’s something there.
LEO (July 23 - August 22)
Leo, you’re one of the most self-assured zodiac sign, so you’re probably thinking, “Put myself out there? I already got this!” And you do! All you need to do to catch someone’s attention is give them one of your signature looks and a wink.
But you also love a challenge (doesn’t every lion?), so you try to find love interests who make you work for it. You love the chase, but you also love the catch, too.
The best way for you to put yourself out there is by making people laugh. You don’t even have to tell cheesy jokes that probably will only get an eye roll; spin a crazy, true story about yourself and watch your crush’s eyes light up.
And most importantly, don’t forget to ask your crush about themselves and actually LISTEN to them. No one wants to date someone who only likes to hear themselves talk, so listen as much as you talk.
VIRGO (August 23 - September 22)
Virgo, putting yourself out there in a romantic sense isn’t always something that comes easily to you. You tend to be more conservative and cautious when it comes to finding love, if only for the fact that you want to make sure that whoever you choose is the right one for you.
If you’re having trouble finding your confidence, never underestimate the support of a best friend. One way to put yourself out there is to suggest group hangouts or dates. I know, it seems so retro to go on group dates, but with your BFF by your side, it can definitely take off some of the pressure to be yourself.
You should also try to build a foundation first before figuring out if you actually like the person you’re crushing on. Knowing who they are before things get serious will make you feel surer of yourself.
LIBRA (September 23 - October 22)
Libra, you’ve got it ALL: looks, personality, and a warm heart. You don’t need permission to make the first move and you certainly don’t need tips on how to get noticed. You love to flirt and give your crush a taste of what they’re missing, but you’re also a straight shooter — you’re not one to beat around the bush.
If you like someone, they’re going to know and you’re going to have a date by the end of the week. When you put yourself out there, be bold and confident. You have all the ammo you need, you just have to take that first step.
Don’t forget that you’re also a very open genuine person. You don’t need to hide behind technology just to put yourself out there and, honestly, you should probably stay away from social media altogether. You are so much more in person, so don’t be the one to dull your own sparkle by hiding behind a screen.
SCORPIO (October 23 - November 21)
Scorpio, you’re another one of those zodiac signs that doesn’t really need any pointers on how to put yourself out there because, at this point, you’re pretty much a pro. You’re so naturally playful and confident that people just seem to be drawn to your energy and attitude — and you love it!
The only suggestion I would make to you is to turn down the intensity a bit. When you find someone you’re interested in, you tend to do whatever you can to lure them into your seductive words and attractive looks.
If you really want to put yourself out there and find someone worth keeping around, it’s important to open up about yourself and really be honest about what you want in a relationship.
Even if you want to keep things casual, there will be plenty of time after the initial flirting stage to for seduction, so work on being as raw and open as you can possibly be – you rely on trust in relationships, anyway!
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 - December 21)
Sagittarius, the best way for you to put yourself out there is by continuing to do what you’re already doing: have fun. Even if you’re crushing hard on one particular person, there’s no reason for you to set your sights on any one person at all.
Why? Because they’ll flock to you anyway. You have a way of attracting pretty much everyone around you, simply because you always seem like you’re having a good time. Get loose and let your hair down.
When you are feeling yourself completely, not caring what anyone else thinks of you and you aren’t trying to impress anyone, that is when you’re most attractive. This carefree personality of yours that you hold so close to your heart is what makes people want to get to know you more. Just be yourself and love will find you.
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CAPRICORN (December 22 - January 19)
Capricorn, the best way to put yourself out there and really find someone that’s perfect for you is to let go of some of that seriousness. You can be a very compassionate, affectionate person in the right situation, and this is the perfect time to try that side of you out.
You might feel a little awkward getting out of your comfort zone at first, but stepping out of your comfort zone is sometimes the best thing for you to do. Keep being your inquisitive self, Capricorn and get on a deeper level with someone new.
Showing someone you’re interested in the side of you that’s full of questions and curiosity will pique their interest back. Just remember to show interest in them and ask questions to help you get to know them better. None of this “grilling” stuff you do when you’re on first dates - it can sometimes feel more like a job interview than something fun and relaxed.
AQUARIUS (January 20 - February 18)
I know you’ll agree with me, Aquarius, but the best way for you to put yourself out there is by letting your freak flag fly. You are unique and interesting - all of your friends and family know it. Now all you need to do is show off to everyone else just how different and fun Aquarius can be.
If you just be yourself and make friends before anything else, you’ll realize that love is just as easy to find, too. Remember to make a conscious effort not to play hard to get, too. You can sometimes be hot and cold when it comes to figuring out if you’re really interested in someone, so if you are, don’t be afraid to jump into that unknown.
Love can be scary, but that’s why you’re putting yourself out there! When you’re showing off your best self (friendly and welcoming) everyone wants to know who you are.
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PISCES (February 19 - March 20)
Pisces, you are all about finding that perfect, big love in your life. And you would have it too if you knew just how to put yourself out there like a pro. Don’t hide what you want in a relationship and who you are — finding love is also about finding acceptance in someone else and your heart is open wide for someone who loves you unconditionally.
Remember to get out of your dream world, too, when putting yourself out there. People want to get to know you IRL, not in the world in your head where you get to be whatever you want to be. Engage others in deep conversation and encourage them to open up, too.
When people know that they can find a safe space in you, they are much more comfortable being themselves and sharing what they’re looking for in a relationship.
Emily Ratay is a full-time writer living in Pittsburgh. She's passionate about the environment and feminism, and knows that anything is possible in the right pair of shoes. She plans on writing a non-fiction book in the future.