How To Deal With Getting Past The Painful Rejection Of Unrequited Love

Photo: Unsplash: Timothy Paul Smith
How Men Deal With The Painful Rejection Of Unrequited Love, According To Guys On Reddit
Heartbreak

Ouch.

Falling in love is one of the greatest thing about being human being, but for men and women facing rejection from an unrequited love interest, it can also be one of the most painful, as guys on Reddit easily and often attest to.

Experiencing a meaningful relationship with another human being (or four or five or six) isn't only deeply rewarding, but it also helps you grow and develop into the person who you were meant to me.

Plus, who doesn't love a romantic evening spent with someone they've had their eyes on, amiright?

But just as surely as the sun rises and sets, the flip side of love — unrequited love — isn't so grand.

 

RELATED: The REAL (Sad) Reason We Cling So Hard To Unrequited Love

 

Not being loved in return by someone we so desperately love ourselves is one of the cruelest twists of fate imaginable. In many respects, and many folks will agree with me on this, getting over unrequited love can be even more difficult than healing after a breakup.

I know that may sound extreme, but it's definitely true for many people out there!

If you're an adult and you're reading this, chances are you've experienced unrequited love yourself at one point in time or another from the perspective of the rejector or the rejected — or possibly even from both in two different situations. If you were lucky, you have only been the person being crushed upon, and if you weren't so lucky, you know how it feels to be the one who climbs into bed each and every night hoping that your beloved might possibly have a dream that reveals their deep romantic feelings for you, albeit it all in vain.

And if you haven't experienced this cruelest of loves games as of yet, your dance with unrequited love might have yet to occur, but trust me, it's waiting, and when it comes you'll want to be prepared.

Ultimately, the only thing that can really heal a heart broken by unrequited love is time.

I know, that's such a cliche thing to say, but it's true. Time, space, and distance are all key when it comes to getting over a heartbreak of any kind, be it a break up with a partner or rejection by someone you cared for deeply who didn't share those feelings in return.

While it might be hard to believe at times, women aren't the only ones who feel the deeply painful emotions that arise from experiencing unrequited love. Men go through it, too, we just don't hear about that often because — surprise! — most men aren't huge fans about opening up to talk about their feelings, especially if those feelings might make them seem weak or vulnerable.

But there is one place on the internet where men open up about how they feel each and every day, and that's on a little website known as Reddit.

One redditor recently asked the guys on subreddit r/AskMen, "In your opinion, what is the best way to deal with unrequited love?"

Here are suggestions from men for dealing with, and getting past, the painful rejection of unrequited love, according to guys on Reddit.

1. Cut all ties.

"Cease all contact. It can be hard to let go but every time you get a random thread of contact, your hopeful side comes out and becomes your worst enemy. Cut things off, focus on a new project or goal, spend time with a friend or family member, etc."

 

2. Give yourself space.

"Stop spending any of your time on the person. It's a broken power imbalance that neither of you can fix. You can be friends again a little down the road, but you need to give yourself space (a month minimum) to mourn the rejection before you're ready to be friends."

 

3. Get introspective.

"Focus inwardly. So many spend so much time looking outwardly for the things they want like love, appreciation, and acceptance. It's important to learn to (to be cheesy here) 'love yourself.' When you accept yourself, appreciate yourself and yes, even love yourself then you can be at peace/equilibrium without outside stimulus. In this way, you become impervious — for the most part — to that empty feeling of being unappreciated, unloved and unaccepted by those outside yourself."

 

4. Give yourself permission to feel what you feel.

"Give yourself time to be sad. Then move on."

 

5. Get creative.

"Write a song. Lots of songs."

 

RELATED: Why You Will Never Be Enough For The Wrong Heart

 

6. Enjoy the friendship.

"Enjoy the moments you share together. The obvious side effect of this. You'll get your heart in a happy state and broken over and over again. From my own experience I can assure you one thing, you'll be able to withstand a serious emotional beating after a while. And you'll feel more at ease in either end of the emotional spectrum."

 

7. Focus on yourself.

"Put the focus on improving yourself into a better version of yourself for yourself and not for her. So start lifting weights and start looking at the stuff the makes you uncomfortable since that's where your personal growth is."

 

8. Keep on moving.

"Move on. Do you keep wondering about the bus you just missed? It doesn't even exist anymore except as a memory. Focus on the next one."

 

9. Fall in love again.

"Fall in love with someone else. Get a group of friends together and go out and meet people. There's nothing more exciting than falling in love with someone new. You'll forget about the person you were in love with before. The next step is to avoid unrequited love entirely. Never allow yourself to fall in love with anyone until you are sure s/he feels the same way you do. Make no exceptions."

 

10. Adapt, adapt, adapt.

"There's one thing which you have: the choice to adapt. Love and relationships, specifically, are completely unpredictable at this day and age. If you see them as needs they'll seem more powerful than they really are, and this very overestimation often backfires. Instead of falling head over heels, see other people as human and live step by step."

 

11. Face the facts.

"If its you who is in love, then just don't spend time or contact that person for awhile. Process your feelings, accept the reality of the situation and get over it. Push forward. You'll be a better person."

 

RELATED: 5 Zodiac Signs Who Always Seem To Fall For People They Can't Have

 

Rebecca Jane Stokes is a writer living in Brooklyn, New York with her cat, Batman. She hosts the love and dating advice show, Becca After Dark on YourTango's Facebook Page every Tuesday and Thursday at 10:15 pm Eastern. For more of her work, check out her Tumblr.

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